BACK TO BASICS

Do you know why you started blogging?  Did you have a pivotal moment? I did. Back in March last year, I discovered this blog created by this wonderful person named Jain.  Her blog was beautiful.  In fact, I would go so far as to say “breathless”.  It was mostly just photos and tablescapes outside, but honestly her blog should have become a book. I loved her blog so much, that I would look at it several times a day. Some days, I almost felt like I was stalking her, I wasn’t of course, it’s just that her photographs were so charming and calming, and quite frankly, portrayed a life that I wanted to lead.  Based on her, I had hoped to create my own little piece of beauty in the blogging world.  I think I have failed for the most part.  I was so haphazard with the content, I went from goofy, to inspiring, to photographs, to goofy, to discussing intimate parts of my pain, to goofy and to finally wanting to help all bloggers achieve more followers.  My blog constantly changed in appearance and I was never satisfied because I just had not chosen a direction.  Together, my blog and I have become a little lost lately.  It’s okay tho, because everything is a learning process for me and I have never been a girl with a proper plan.

So you are probably wondering why I am babbling on about this, well this new challenge in our lives with my sister-in-law’s health has made me take an abrupt step back and look at what is important to me, as sometimes my priorities become a tad askewed.

I really love my sis n law, she is wonderful and it pains me to think of her life being in such a precarious position.

She is doing significantly better, surprising since her organ is so damaged.  She is so scared and we are scared for her.  By the way, I really appreciated every single kind comment from you, including CWMartin for putting a prayer on his blog.  Thank you.

The only way I know how to help my sis in law is to stand beside her  instead of stand behind her which means that I am going to change my life as she changes her.  She has to be in optimum health if they go ahead with a transplant, so I am going to do it with her so she is not alone.  In fact, I started on Monday with my cleanse and let me tell you something, I lost 6 pounds of crap in two days.  I didn’t realize I was so full of crap, okay I did know I was full of crap (unfortunately, in more ways than one).

Although I have always known this about myself, I am not sure you do, but if you haven't figured it out yet, I am an all or nothing type of girl who has never been able to strike a balance.  I give my all to something until it absolutely exhausts and drains me and then I walk away from it. However, I am hoping to change that personality flaw.

Which brings me to blogging, I have to say that I put this crazy undo amount of pressure on myself to constantly blog 4 or more times a week.  Crazy huh?  Scared that you might leave me if I didn’t.  I felt this need to assist everyone in finding new followers, which was really exhausting me.  And worried that if I didn’t help you, that again you'd leave me.  I don’t even know why I worry about such trivial things except that perhaps I am a far too sensitive for my own good, am a people pleaser and suffer a terrible personality trait when it comes to dealing with rejection.  Yes I know, who cares if people come or go off the blog, apparently I do, because I constantly get my knickers in knott over it. On top of that I follow like 150 plus blogs and I was killing myself to get to each blog to read their updates and leave comments, not too mention the fact that in my real life, I work full time, write a column for a newspaper, suffer from chronic pain and share my life with my better half and a sweet but demanding pooch. These past five days made me realize that you would all go on if I didn’t read you daily and you probably care less if I comment or not and I had to wonder why I was putting this inordinate amount of pressure on me.

So this is what it has come down to, it's time for a change for me.

I am not going to blog a zillion times a week and I hoping that you will happily kick my ass if I start to do it again because I have realized that there are just so many hours in the day, and if you let it, blogging can sneak up on you and take over your life.

I am going to set some ground rules for myself on my blog and get back to basics  with it and what I am about and what it is I want to write at that moment. You are either going to like or not, and I have no control over that and that's okay.

I am going to get back to basics in my life with just simple pleasures, like less tv and computer, more reading and walking and smelling the roses.

And I am going to focus on mine and my sis in law’s health.

In other words I am going to live up to to my words earlier this year of going from average to memorable.

But mostly, I am just going to find Tracy. She is actually pretty awesome when she isn't in a tizzy and being all obsessive compulsive. 

Until Next Time.
Smooches