Tis that time of season that I dread the most. Yes, that's right, it's Man Cold Season!
Every time this year, my better half ventures out into the germ infested world of retail and comes back at some point sporting the dreaded man cold.
Nurturing by nature, my "once struck down by the dreaded influenza" better half goes from this:
TO THIS:
Now I am not one to not return the favour when it comes to handing out my fair share of tender loving care to those in need, but during cold season, I am running at a full throttle to escape the ever needy spaghetti arms of my 44-year-old-turned-5-year-old man!
Stuffed up, sneezing, coughing, wheezing, the molecule of puss I currently live with has made it his mission to try and hug and kiss and smother me during his time of plague infection.
Uttered words of "I love you" followed by his long arms stretching out to grab me and to hug me in his clutches whilst he rubs his ooey gooey snot-filled nose in my hair are regular occurrences during the man cold stage.
Cold clammy hands seem to come out of the darkness in the middle of the night and find themselves planted firmly on my back all in the pretense of providing me with a "back rub" when in fact they are heat seeking missile devices looking for a way to suck my warmth out!
Moments of "honey can you make me a tea" or "can you grab me a kleenex" all seem to happen while I am sitting on the toilet or whimpers of "what I wouldn't do for your chicken soup right now" seem to be uttered all too frequently.
Moving like a target, I run from room to room to avoid the shower of spit that seems to evaporate from his phlegm-filled lungs. In an effort to avoid the man cold, I don my arsenal of Tylenol for cold and hide out in my den, waiting for that moment in time when he gives that last large mucus incrusted cough that frees him from the clutches of the dreaded needy five year old to the great 44 year old I know!
Oh well, I suppose its a small price to pay when you live with such an amazing guy, but in the meantime, don't be surprised if you knock on my door and find this Average Girl sporting a surgical mask. I may love my better half, but my momma didn't raise no fool!
Until Next Time.
Tracy
You've hit the nail on the bug's coffin beautifully with this post!
ReplyDeleteThis time of year, in particular the shopping season, with people pushing, shoving and manhandling their way through stores/malls/food outlets, "the bug" is bound to be a "treat" someone brings home for the family to enjoy!!!
Fire up the stove - all burners - get the soup cooking, the kettle boiling and the pot of steaming water (for inhaling) going and hunker down for some serious caregiving!
Hopefully you'll miss this season's treat and arrive in the New Year bug free.
Cheers, Jenny
PEARSON REPORT
I am coming down with something right now too. Would you come over and take care of me? I promise not to rub snot in your hair.
ReplyDeleteTotal oposite of the problem I have! My girlfriend works at a place where people often get sick and when she comes home with a cold I can't stop myself from hugging and kissing her which leads to me getting her cold!
ReplyDeleteThere is little to nothing worse than a man when he is sick...unless of course he passes it to the children and wife. You wear that mask, mama!
ReplyDeleteSo, uh, "maritals" are probably out of the question, huh?
ReplyDeleteBut is he there for you when you start coughing and blowing snot bubbles? If he's as great as you say I bet the answer is yes.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Im still laughing to myself about the cold hands pretending to give a back rub, Ive been there myself! *cackles*
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me to start taking lots of vitamin C to ward off the cough and snot season!!
Aw what a lucky guy! Haha, I've never had anyone take care of me when I'm sick.
ReplyDeleteNo kidding Jenny and my better half works in retail, so he can't get away from it!
ReplyDeleteAnything for you George!!!
Bersercules! I am coming to you next time I am sick!
Jewels! I am wearing that mask proudly! LOL!!
Sorry to report Al, no conjugal visits until all body parts stop oozing phlegm!
Ahhh Stephen... I'd like to say yes to that, but once when I had the flu he came in to the bedroom munching on a hot dog and asked me if I wanted one, and instantly I threw up and he said "I guess that means no!" ha ha ha!!!
Oh Mandy those cold hands wake me up with such a jolt!!! Good lord!
Haven, I am thinking sometimes, it is just better to be left alone when you are sick... You are not missing much my friend!
It's time for the Lysol disinfectant can in each hand defense. Spray everything!
ReplyDeleteNo worries there Galen! I hit him with apple scented lysol yesterday! LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG. Men are the biggest babies when sick. I still do things for myself when I'm sick. But they can't do anything. And they think they are the stronger sex. *laughs hysterically*
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to think about man cold season! I'd rather take care of four year old triplets with e-coli! (I've done that and it ain't pretty)
ReplyDeleteHope the dreaded bug miraculously passes your man by this year!
XOXO
Ahhhhh men and their colds! The other day I was driving downtown when I saw a man in his mid-sixties walking along the sidewalk with kleenex hanging out of his nose. I guess it saves having to use his sleeves!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha! I love this!! Stay strong, my friend! :)
ReplyDeleteAt least he uses a kleenex. My man uses an old fashioned handkerchief which is disgusting.
ReplyDeleteNothing worse that encountering a soggy snot filled one of those while emptying the laundry hamper.
Oooh! Stay healthy, my friend. I had the dreaded cold and it was not fun.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with men turning into 5 years olds when they are sick?? My 4 and 7 year old kids are tougher when they are sick than when their father is sick!
ReplyDeleteStill writing the funny stuff, hmm? Well written (and very true) Tracy!
ReplyDeleteGuys can be such a kid.. They love being mothered!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are all so funny!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd it's nice to see you runawaybride, i have missed your comments! xoxo
It's no fun. Unfortunately, the rolls were reversed in our house. I was hacking up a lung for about a month over here. I can't believe my husband stayed in our bed at night! I hope he's feeling better!
ReplyDelete