THURSDAY TOOTS: And Women Who Pollute!

I’m pooped.

I am utterly exhaustified.   Yes I know, exhaustified is not a word. But early on in age, I did develop my own personal dictionary of words.  This is one of them.

I want to chalk it up to the weather, but I would be lying.

You see, I am so tired that I am at a giddy point.  You know that point where you get so absolutely goofy that you say goofy things and you act goofy.  You notice that people are rolling their eyes at you and walking away while shaking their heads and you just giggle all the more.

In fact, my initial post for today was all about how I inadvertently gassed out my better half yesterday after I gorged on garbanzo beans for lunch, a “fart” bar for a snack, followed by turkey for dinner.  I started to tell you how I was so bad that my better half actually sequestered me into a room all by myself, opened all the windows and shut the door and told me not to come out until my “little problem” subsided. I have to tell you that I was so racked in gaseous pain that I was literally lying on the floor rocking back and forth whilst moaning and squeaking out, okay sonic booming out, noises that no woman should ever make!!! And what’s more, little did my better half know that my “little problem” would last well into the early hours of this morning.  And unfortunately for him, it was a whole night of me lying in bed *poofing*, followed by my non stop giggling and various versions of “oops, sorry honey”, followed by my better half jumping out of bed, fanning the sheets back and forth frantically and yelling “OH COME ON!”.  Makes me giggle now as I think about it.  And now you know why I am tired.  Nope, there was no romance in our house last night and I think I took our relationship to a whole new level for which we won’t be able to come from.  I even think my better half may require some counseling for post traumatic stress disorder. I have scarred him.

Anywhoooo, after I wrote the post, I laughed and laughed and laughed so hard that mascara was rolling off my cheeks right onto my shirt.

And then I thought to myself, hmmm okay Tracy, you are tired and everything is making you giggle.  Perhaps your lovely blogger friends may not appreciate, or find as funny, a post regarding 10 hours of flatulence.

So I won’t elaborate any further except to say that I am done with those “fart” bars.  I have fried too many nostrils of too many people from eating those darn delectably tasting, wonderfully yummy, butt burning bars.

Neither my friends nor my family look at me the same way anymore.  And I am supposing it will take years of me acting like a lady to undo the damage I have created over the last couple of months.

Oh who am I kidding, this weekend I am going to go to Costco to buy another round of them.  This time, though, I have thought ahead:  I will hide them, eat them in secret and just blame the stench on my dog!

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches