Eeek! That statement is literal not figurative and I have been cursed. Seriously cursed with genes that came straight from my ancestral bloodlines, perhaps you are acquainted with them? If you are not, I like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Sasquatch!
I am only 42 and have not even hit menopause and I am already starting to sprout the goatee of a fully grown, cud chewing billy goat. Oh never mind the fact that my esthetician keeps saying, “it’s blond, it’s blond, I can barely see it”. That excuse only works on overcast days. Have you seen me in the sunlight? Good lord people, I could mop your floor with my chin hair and not even have to bend over to do it!
What’s worse is that I have multiple chins and the reforestation that is going on there puts the efforts in the rainforest to shame!
I spend mornings wondering which chin to plunder first with my tweezers, and I can almost hear those trees on my chin scream for their lives “oh my gawd, here she comes, oh no she got Dave, oh watch out Jerry she’s coming for you, oh lord Bob is gone too, he was so young with a family.” Noticed I named them men, because as far as I am concerned a straggly hair is much like a man, pointy, sharp and a nuisance until you give them a good pluck (I said "pluck" people, get your minds out of the gutters... sheesh!!!!)
And now the doctors have told me that they are considering putting me on Prednisone for my pain. Have you read the side effects of Prednisone!!! A couple of weeks of that medication, my face will be so hairy, you might as well just put me on the rocket and ship me to the Planet of the Apes, so I can be with my own kind! UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!
Better yet, why don’t I just open up my own Bearded Lady Show and make some extra money on the side! Arrrggghhh
Perhaps it won’t be that bad? A couple of nice braids here and there, and maybe people will start mistaking me for Brad Pitt before the shave.
In any event, don’t be alarmed if you see me scratching my arm pits and peeling bananas with my toes, I am just getting in touch with my inner ape!
Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches
I am only 42 and have not even hit menopause and I am already starting to sprout the goatee of a fully grown, cud chewing billy goat. Oh never mind the fact that my esthetician keeps saying, “it’s blond, it’s blond, I can barely see it”. That excuse only works on overcast days. Have you seen me in the sunlight? Good lord people, I could mop your floor with my chin hair and not even have to bend over to do it!
What’s worse is that I have multiple chins and the reforestation that is going on there puts the efforts in the rainforest to shame!
I spend mornings wondering which chin to plunder first with my tweezers, and I can almost hear those trees on my chin scream for their lives “oh my gawd, here she comes, oh no she got Dave, oh watch out Jerry she’s coming for you, oh lord Bob is gone too, he was so young with a family.” Noticed I named them men, because as far as I am concerned a straggly hair is much like a man, pointy, sharp and a nuisance until you give them a good pluck (I said "pluck" people, get your minds out of the gutters... sheesh!!!!)
And now the doctors have told me that they are considering putting me on Prednisone for my pain. Have you read the side effects of Prednisone!!! A couple of weeks of that medication, my face will be so hairy, you might as well just put me on the rocket and ship me to the Planet of the Apes, so I can be with my own kind! UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!
Better yet, why don’t I just open up my own Bearded Lady Show and make some extra money on the side! Arrrggghhh
Perhaps it won’t be that bad? A couple of nice braids here and there, and maybe people will start mistaking me for Brad Pitt before the shave.
In any event, don’t be alarmed if you see me scratching my arm pits and peeling bananas with my toes, I am just getting in touch with my inner ape!
Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches
You are so hilarious... even when I am feeling bad, i just have to hit your blog, and i read it and feel so much better... Thanks! Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteGood Lawd--You have completely lost your mind now! LOL! I do have the family of chins, but no funky chin hair as of yet. I'm sure my day is coming! I'll be the big 4-0 on October 8th, so it's a comin'!
ReplyDelete~Misti
BTW--I do love your new look. Very refreshing!
ReplyDeleteLaser them! You know I had to giggle at this one. Just remember the fact that EVERYONE struggles with something they don't like about their appearance no matter how beautiful they are. At least it's fixable. So many other things aren't.
ReplyDeleteOMG! ... BREATHE!! And, 'note to self' ... I really must get a better routine so that FIRST I read Tracy's blog and THEN put on my makeup! I recall one of those jokey emails (we've probably all seen it) talking about the wonders of 'womanhood afer 40' .... saying "I refuse to call them chin hairs... They're STRAY EYEBROWS!" ... I swear I'm getting "abs" from reading this blog... though I couldn't prove it! LOL
ReplyDeleteAaahhh hahahahaha!! Is it bad that this had me laughing OUT LOUD the whole time I read it? Not the fact that you have some hair on your chinny chin chin, but just the humor behind it. At least you can joke about it. ;)
ReplyDeleteLOVE the new look of your space, too. So refreshing!
SO FUNNY! It reminds me of the day my husband and I promised one another that as we get older, I will keep his wild eyebrows and ear hairs under control and he promised to pluck my chin. Bad thing is he can't see anything up close so I could be asking for trouble. LOL
ReplyDeleteI wish I couldn't relate! lol
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered using labels? I have just found you and saw a reference to your pain. Searched around and found one post that alludes to it (you mentioned "prison of pain" or something like that. I TOTALLY agree but do my best most days to keep my mind positive. I've been losing that battle lately, though. I am a chronic pain patient, suffering permanent nerve damage and at age 44, we might have things in common. Your humor sure has cheered me up today, but I don't have time to read the entire blog to find the pain related entries. Just wondering if you had labels, I could find them easier?
Some folks like them, others hate them. But I suspect your words of wisdom on how you handle pain(even poorly some days) would be a blessing to me.
On my blog, I have so many people find me via spinal cord stimulator and nerve pain searches that I have used labels to better organize for them. I understand preferring more privacy than that, though.
Thanks for sharing!
hilarious love your writing you always make me laugh i was feeling like crap today now you made me smile & laugh lol
ReplyDeleteThanks again Sunshine
:)L
This occuring little hair thing you have is passed on from Mother to Daughter. So sorry honey. Love Mom
ReplyDeleteVery funny! There could be worse things I suppose :) My sister always says she has to go and pluck her beard. I'm sure she would love that I just wrote that.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a nice comment :)
Did u know that 'plucking' stimulates the root and in turn promotes hair growth?... ;0))))
ReplyDeleteLove the new look!!
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ReplyDelete