Tuesday, December 28, 2010

ENDINGS AND BEGINNINGS


We are nearing the end of 2010, and quite frankly, I am looking forward to a new year.  2010 was a year of uncertainties, unanswered questions and moments of helplessness.  2010 consisted of days of crying and feeling sorry for myself and months of trying this pain medication and that pain medication. And, I must admit, I do not like who I have become. No longer willing to sit on my laurels and wait the outcome of diagnosis after diagnosis by specialists, I have decided to make 2011 the Year of Tracy.  A strong focus on not dealing with the pain but fighting thru it and coming out the other side, perhaps slightly scathed, but stronger, healthier and more importantly, as pain free as I possibly can be.

I long for a sense of freedom from the chains that have bound me for years.  In my nightly dreams, I envision travels to exotic destinations, bike rides and long walks, sitting in movie theatres and explorative drives all without the assistance of some magic little pill which has been dictating whether these moments would be possible.  I dream of yoga in the morning and belly dancing at night followed by days of work without ice packs or heating pads.  I dream of moments where my massages are for relaxation indulgences only and not related to working out the latest series of trigger points.  I dream of moments where I can just wear my engagement ring because I can as oppose to how swollen my fingers are that day.

I long to be tired at the end of the day because my day was so wonderfully satisfying, not because I can barely move.

In simple terms, I dream of living a fulfilling life.  The half assed life is no longer an option for me.

I hold the power of the destination in my hands and I am putting my foot down as I am no longer prepared to allow doctors and specialists tell me what I can and cannot do.  I know my limitations, but I also have to believe in the power of me.  I am strong and I know it.  But somewhere along the line, I let others decide my fate.  No longer allowing them to be my puppet masters, I am going to take control.  A gentle but aggressive control of my fate.

And so with 2010 ending, I bid adieu along with a kick to its ass and a cheerful "don't let the door hit you on your way out" and I am giving a quick hug and peck on the cheek to 2011 as I bulldoze my way thru it.

Because at the end of the day I can only say this:  Life is what you make it, and these past several years has been unacceptable because I want more, I deserve more, but most importantly, I am more.

Enough said.  *as she steps off her soap box*


Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches

24 comments:

  1. Love the attitude. Kick 2010 to the curb and look out 2011.

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  2. I hear the power of your intention, and that power is going to take 2011 by the you know what. I don't have any doubt that next year is going to be a terrific year for you.

    I was just reading Unity magazine last night. There was an article in it about Unity's approach to health. Maybe that might be interesting to you.

    In any event, I am excited for you. I look forward to hearing about your awesome year.

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  3. You and me kid~
    Happy New Year.. I can't wait for 2011 personally..
    I LOVE yoga.. you can do it.
    I am raising a glass to you..

    All the very very best of health and happiness to you!!

    xx

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  4. Tracy: I can't wait for 2010 to be over, too. I hope 2011 brings many days of great pain-free bliss to you! I look forward to many months of your fantastic blog!

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  5. It is my prayer that 2011 will be all you expect it to be. You know you best, don't let anybody else tell you what you can or cannot do, no matter how well intentioned they might be.
    Here's to you and a great 2011!

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  6. You must get off the couch and go get your passport and visit San Fran...asap. It is wonderful there and I promise you won't be disappointed. Thank you for you wonderful comment you left and visiting my blog. :)

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  7. I am sure you have tried many, many things but I wanted to suggest Acupuncture, I started treatments last year and it is really great. Cheers to a great 2011!

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  8. Way to go! Life is what we make of it, don't let anything keep you from living your life to the fullest!

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  9. You go girl! Positive attitude is half of any battle. I wish you the best of luck and will be here rooting you on!

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  10. here's to kicking ass & taking back your days! may you find relief & joy very soon. screw traditional, go radical!

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  11. Woohoo! I like your attitude! Here's to kicking 2010 in the balls and storming through 2011!

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  12. At the end of the day, you are awesome! Love that! Anything that involves kicking ass..I'm there!

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  13. Here's to you in 2011! Go get 'em!

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  14. love the attitude ....Here's to kicking 2010 to the curb ....keep the Positive attitude ...you will rock in 2011 Miss Tracy

    :) L

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  15. Print this out and pin it to the fridge (oh and another copy on the back of the loo door) Miss Tracy. Then when you start to waver, you re read it and think positive and you will achieve it. And you have all of us behind you, sending you positve vibes. Big Hugs gorgeous

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  16. I hope 2011 will treat you better.

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  17. Wishing you the best in your endeavor to achieve a more pain free life. Best advice I can give is never give up. No matter how hopeless health issues have seemed in my life, I have always found light at the end of the tunnel, even though at times the tunnel seems 80 miles long. Just don't ever give up, and if one method isn't working switch to another and another and another until it does work.

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  18. I'm rooting for you and hoping to take your advice to heart as well.

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  19. You stay on that soap box as long as you want. Randy is also thinking like you Tracy. Let's get on with life F--- the doctors (oh did I just say that?), bring on the wine and the hot tubs.
    Happy New Year dear friend.
    Love You
    Love Me
    xoxoxo

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  20. I am clapping, cheering, throwing rose petals towards you. You get'em girl.
    I hope you are able to do all those things you want and dream of. Take that bull by the horns, yeah we may get gored once in awhile, but it was a hell of a journey eh.

    I too am ready to throw 2010 out the door. slam it shut and open a new one.

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  21. A very happy ending and a most wonderful beginning and rest of 2011, my friend ! xxxx

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  22. I read the other day to imagine the adjectives you want for your life - energized, content, healthy - sounds like what you want!

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