Thursday, March 31, 2011

It doesn't pay to be smug!

Shiny and glorious, my women's specific mountain bike sits in it's trainer courtesy of my lovely better half.  Thoughtful to no end, my better half has gone so far as to extend my handle bar grip in an effort to not strain my back and ensured that he covered my women's specific saddle in a lovely gooey gel seat cover so that my hiney is happily satisfied.

With all this courteous primping to my bike, you would think that this princess would be good to go, wouldn't you?  But you would be wrong.

Blustery and pouring with rain, Tuesday night was a complete bust for our usual 45 minute walk around our neighbourhood.  It was the third night in a row and I was becoming increasingly frustrated and worried that perhaps I would not meet my goal on weight loss for the week.  So with nothing better to do, me and my body mounted my bike in silent protest and broke instantly into a melodic rhythm.

Pumping away, I was glued to my boob tube watching Destination Truth.  Sadly, I am addicted to shows like that and Ghost Hunters.  There is just something about the hilarious host, Josh, that makes me giggle my face off.  Perhaps, it has something to do with the unexplained as well.  But if I was to be honest, the fact that seemingly normal adults go on monster hunting expeditions and get ridiculously excited when they find a paw print that turns out to be a black bear instead of Yeti, amuses me to no end!

Anywhoooo, for some reason I was so engrossed in this particular episode that I had not realized that I had been pumping away for almost an hour on the bike.  This being a very unusual occurrence for me, I must say, I was kind of proud of myself and my so called resilience.  To top that off, I was all smirky over the fact that I barely broke a sweat and sashayed my way down the stairs all the while flipping my hair and adding an extra wiggle to my hips just so I could gloat over my couch potato of a better half. 

Blissfully, I fell into a deep sound sleep while my better half tossed and turned all night from eating ice cream just prior to bed time.  As morning approached, I rolled over in bed feeling refreshed and alive and giving a "tsk tsk" sound to the haggard face of my better half along with a little quip about something to do with eating ice cream and no exercise and how I had no sympathy for him.  Yes, I know, I am lovely aren't I!

Feeling a tad smug, I jumped out of bed to.......... OH. MY. GAWD!!! the sorest ass I have ever had!  In my self induced Destination Truth coma, I had inadvertently ridden my bike far too long for this virgin patooty.  It had been several months since the last time I had ridden that torturous device.  Now, in a complete effort to find some sort of dignity, I took a deep breath and tried to walk normally and looked the other way so that my better half could not see my grimacing face.  Once in the bathroom, I could barely sit on the toilet and realized that insides of my butt cheeks were not just sore, but had taken on a whole new meaning of swelling.  In essence, I had given myself the BBBB syndrome (big butt bicycle bruising).

With clenched butt cheeks and gritted teeth, I tried to be as humanly normal around my better half as I possibly could.  After a very long day at work sitting on a heating pad and night of trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, I thought I had survived intact until.....

In an unforgettably painful moment, my better half slapped me on my butt and said:  "How's the ass sweet cheeks?" Then he laughed his face off and ate another bowl of ice cream.

Apparently, it doesn't pay to be smug.

Until Next Time.

Monday, March 28, 2011

It's all about the Visualization (I hope!)

A lean mean fighting machine, my better half towers over me with his 6 foot frame.  Never one to worry about what he garbled down in a day in carbs, he is ironically an amazing specimen of a man.  He has long lean legs and the cutest of behinds.  Often sitting on our bed, I peer into our ensuite bathroom while he is having a shower and become utterly mesmerized by his slender body.  Well, in fact, I am just out and out jealous. 

My jello cup of body is nothing to write home about.  In fact, it’s nothing to write about at all.  Painfully short, stubby legs and a booty you could set a picnic on, I am the epitome of a goofy cartoon drawing.  Lucky for me that my better half finds this walking jello cup attractive or I would still be stuck on some shelf with my expiration date fast approaching.

As the days compound upon each other and my quest to live a life solely based on fruits, veggies and protein, I have become painfully aware of a very volatile part of my psyche.

First let me make it abundantly clear that while I have chosen this path, I have absolutely no expectations of my better half following in my foot steps.  He has no need to, and in fact would probably shrivel up and die if he did not consume his pound of sugar a day.  Blessed with his mother’s metabolism, the man literally metabolizes sugar into workable energy.  In fact, he is an admirable freak of nature.

But the other day as he was shoveling back a piece of cake and I was eating my orange, he leaned over at me with his sweet induced vanilla cake breath and  mumbled the words “I am so proud of you honey, I am just so proud.”  Instead of focusing on the positivity of his words, all I could see was the soft velvety cake crumbs around the corners of his mouth and the leftover luscious icing on the edges of his lips.  I was salivating like a full running faucet, and in that moment, two things crossed my mind in a minuscule flash. First, I wanted to dive at him, and lick the icing off his lips like a hungry dog and suck up those crumbs like a hoover vacuum cleaner on steroids. Followed, by wanting to take that freaking piece of cake and shove it up his nostrils where the sun couldn’t find it.  I gave a twisted, sweet controlled little smile, devoured my orange like a cannibal and walked way with steam oozing out of my ears.  It was not a pretty sight. 

And at that moment, I realized that this was going to be my life.  Him eating whatever he wants, me watching in a torturous state.

Being a lover of food, I am grieving I suppose over this change in my life.  Eventually, it will just become a  permanent way, well I am hoping anyways.  I am even anticipating that there will come a day where food will not mean that much too me. Yes, I am starting to think I am becoming a tad delusional myself.

But for now though, I realize I have two options in my effort to survive this sweet, torturous, self inflicted nightmare: 

a.  Anger Management Counselling; or

b.  Visualization.

Hmmmm, I am thinking that I will take option “b”.  There is just something delightfully wicked about fantasizing that I am beating my better half senseless with a fully loaded sub.  Yes my friends, it is all about the fully loaded sub!  Oops, I mean the visualization.  Yes, it's all about the visualization.  Oh lord, let it be about the visualization!

Until Next Time.

Friday, March 25, 2011


It's Friday and I couldn't be happier and I have challenged myself to stay off the computer for the rest of the weekend.  But I just couldn't go without telling you the best thing about a Friday.  And in no particular order, here they are:
  1. I lost another pound and a half!  Woo Whooo!
  2. My pants nearly fell around my knee caps today, too big, too baggy... me thinks a day clothes shopping may be around the corner sooner than I thought.
  3. I survived my work week, even when my boss came thru the door on a surprise visit and caught me babbling and giggling to my mother about my pooped pooch and I still have a job!
  4. I had a seriously bad hair day today, and guess what!  I just don't care cause that's what pony tails are for!  Yee Haw!
  5. I got my second Etsy package and it was wonderfully exciting (yes, I know I realize I need a life).
  6. Friday means Sushi night.... Yum Yum Yum!
  7. I am planning a trip to San Francisco and I can't wait to go!
  8. And Finally: my better half ate a ginormous bowl of ice cream in front of me last night and I didn't dump it on his head (of course I envisioned dumping it on his head and apparently, that can be just as satisfying).  And the best part, my old string bean of a better half who metabolizes sugar into energy, got on the scale and he was up 5 pounds.  And what did I say "I am so sorry honey" followed by my raucous laughter all the way down the stairs!  
Have a lovely weekend all.

See ya some time next week!


Monday, March 21, 2011


I am having a short circuit in my brain at this moment.  I realize that this happens to everyone, but if you could see me now, you would equate me to the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand.  And that pea brain head of mine is so far into the sand that I'm starting to choke up artifacts.

My concentration level is at an all time low and I am letting little things pile up around me.  In fact, I am only 5'1, so the piles are about nostril level at this point, and I am afraid that if I just don’t buckle down, someone will have to call 911 to save me from the crush of my own self afflicted misfortune.

This often happens to me where my work life and my home life are pulling from so many angles that I just cannot decide where to dive in and tackle.  I don’t even have the umpf to locate something humourous in me to provide to the newspaper I write for.  Maybe, I should just take a picture of my frazzled looking self and submit that as self explanatory.

I often call myself a Type A personality.  It’s an all or nothing kind of thing for me.  I put my whole heart into it or I just walk away. To wit, my usually spotless house looks like a bomb blew up in it and my over exceedingly large workload has reached a state of emergency.  It’s even worse than you think.  Oh yes it is...

Let’s face it, I am becoming the poster child of avoidance.  And right now, my avoidance of choice is Etsy.  For those of you who don’t know what Etsy is, well it’s a place where you can sell your handmade wares online.  I have been shopping my heart out. In fact, half my Christmas shopping is already done.  Should I be Christmas shopping this early in the year? Well, hell yes. But should I be doing it when I need to remove the two inch thick dust that is covering the majority of my furniture?  Perhaps not. 

I won’t lie about the fact that submerging myself into the joys of online shopping isn't a huge high for me.  Every evening, I sit there up in my den in the darkness rubbing my greedy little paws together, buying this and buying that and giving out bursts of maniacal laughter on my latest finds.  I think my better half is a bit scared. I would be too, if I was him. And if that isn't bad enough, I can't stop myself from paypaling this and paypaling that.  And with each purchase, my body is shivering in the joy of the moment, my skin radiant in the glow of my latest conquest and my senses are on a jubilant high that sees me ignoring the disasters brewing all around me.  Oh yes Etsy, you have become my new best friend and dare I say it, my new lover.  My only problem... I don’t have enough people to buy for!

Perhaps it’s not all that bad, in fact, if I keep on avoiding real life issues, you may all reap the benefits via presents from an Average Girl.  And is that so bad? I think not!

So I guess the only question is: what’s your favourite colour?

Until Next Time

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Captured...

No words... just moments that caught my attention today:

If you want to check out more of 
my photographs from today,
you can find them here
on my blog entitled As I dream It.

Happy Sunday to you all
and Monday to those down under.


Thursday, March 17, 2011


Okay, i keep putting this one post on and taking it off... Simply because I get all kind of shy and blushy like when I want to share something that makes me happy... but I am forcing myself to leave it... so here it goes..

This is a real quick post just to say that I hit the 50,000 mark in views today on my little old Average Life!  Usually, I never say anything about milestones on my blog but for some ridiculous reason, I got pretty excited  about this and I just had to share it because... well... I don't know, who the freak cares anyway huh? But, isn't it funny the things that you get excited about?  It felt like I won the lottery! Yup, I know... I need to get a life!

You know the ironic part is that when I started blogging I had absolutely no idea what blogging was.  I actually thought bloggers were part of some high tech, computer knowledgeable cult.  Oh my gawd, I giggle now when I think about my naivety. And you know, it only took me to fall in love with one blog and rent Julie & Julia for me to start my own.  

In April of last year, when I started this blog, my only aspirations were to reach 10 followers and 700 hits for the year.  And there is nothing wrong with that aspiration, I have to tell you.  With so many blogs and so many choices, it really is difficult to attract attention to your blog, if that is what you want.  I have been beyond fortunate as I have had some seriously nice bloggers look out for me, think of me, do shout outs for me, and feature me.  Wow, where would I be without the kindness of others.  Really. *pause to scratch head and reflect*

Anywhooo, this could not have been even possible without you.  And if we were in a grocery line up right at this moment, I just want you to know that I would throw ticker tape and confetti at you and give you a big old smoocharoo, followed by a rather warm embrace, with a great big bouquet of balloons and a free gift certificate for a can of Spam! Now aren't you sad that you missed that!

So thank you, my lovely, lovely, very lovely.... friends, because that is what you are., you know.. lovely, wonderful "friends".  And aren't I the lucky one.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


It's been awhile since I posted something worth writing about on this blog.

You see, I have been taking some extraordinary changes in my life.  My sister in law's near death had an incredible resounding impact on me.  It was such a weird feeling that day I sat looking at her in the ICU.  I felt my body vibrate in away that said, you have to change Tracy.

And so I have...

I am now 17 pounds lighter, and 32 days into a sugar free, flour free, processed food free and dairy free kind of life.  I have to tell you that it's been no walk in the park.  In fact, it's been a complete crawl in the ditch. But for every crawl, you must eventually stand up, dust yourself off and take the baby steps that eventually lead you to regular steps, hoping that you will reach a jog and finally to a full out run.  And, I have my running shoes already laced up.  Because, I am leaving behind those things that bound me and dictated my life and I have taken control.  And what I see is my future.  And as corny as it sounds, it is bright and shiny there and I cannot wait to hit it in full stride.

Small changes make the sacrifice worthwhile, like the lessening of swelling and pain in my joints.  Not too mention the added bonus of compliments, like the other day, a lovely friend/colleague told me I looked good and then another friend told me that my face was glowing, neither of which even knew what I was up too.  Inside, I smiled that smile that said, this is only the beginning my friends.

I feel different.  And in someways, I actually feel beautiful.  Relaxed and peaceful. Kind of crazy huh.  It makes me cry a little thinking of it, and I am not sure why. Perhaps, I am starting to let go of that notion that I must deserve to be in this much pain.  It's alway been a belief I felt strongly about, kind of like my cross to bear in this lifetime.

But mostly, I am starting to feel more and more like Tracy.  I have to tell you, I have missed her.  I have looked for her for years. And finally, she is starting to emerge again.

I wonder why we fight against the tides of change.  I suppose it is the unknown, at least it is for me.  But if we did not give in to changes, we would spend our lives like caterpillars and miss that opportunity of developing into something more beautiful, more extraordinary.

Yes I know, I am tad mushy tonight, but it is all good because you know what?  It is true what they say:

Change is good.

Thank you to those who stuck around on my blog, having faith that I would come back, even when I didn't have faith in myself.  And thank you to those who recently signed up even when my blog said I was done, it made me wonder if I really was done afterall.

Monday, March 14, 2011


It seems that I have traded blogging for Etsy. Perhaps giving up blogging wasn't the best idea? Oh well, at least I have half my Christmas shopping done!

I will be popping in now and then on my blog, because, well thats just me. And because I can't seem to let my very Average Life go. 

So maybe a post every couple of weeks.  What do you think? 


Thursday, March 10, 2011


So even though I am suppose to be retired from the blogging world, well at least under this blog name *wink wink*, I am still floating thru the blogosphere and am currently guest posting on Simple Dude's Blog.  I kind of like this guest posting stuff. Maybe I could become a professional guest poster, what do you think? Nah, don't answer. You are sick of my sorry butt anyways.  But, if you get a chance darlins, I would love it if you would hop over and pay Simple Dude some love. Truly one of the good guys.

Anywhooo, I miss ya all  and hope you are all doing fantabulous!  Okay, I know you are, I am lurking in the shadows... Mwaaa haaa haaa.  And I am not going to ask why so many blogs were about boobs this week!

Love and miss you.  I really do!

Cheers Tracy