Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Long Hair cometh, the Long Hair goeth (with a great big old yank!)

Oh the joys of being a woman and the joys of getting older as a woman.  You know, I am a fair haired, blue eyed chick.  Hair on my body (with the exception of my head) from the neck down has never been an issue with me.  I have never had to shave my thighs, nothing there basically.  I am pretty hairless in my bikini area (I know, lucky me!). I virtually have no hair on my arms with the exception of a few blonde scragglers but nothing to write home about.

But the other day, I had the biggest shock of my female life.  I was sitting looking at myself in my 300 x magnification mirror checking out my overly large pores when I noticed something bizarre on the outside of my right nostril. Was it an eyelash, no it was too straight.  Was it an eyebrow, no not thick enough.  Was it a fibre off a piece of clothing, no it wasn’t that either.  On closer examination I realized that whatever it was, was attached to my face!  Oh are you kidding me!!!! Oh my freaking lord, I have a hair growing straight out of the side of my nostril.  No, not in my nostril.  But on the outside growing in a complete straight line towards my cheek bone.  It was so straight and so long that I am sure if I swung my head around quickly, I could have taken someone’s eye right out!  It had camouflaged itself into a very lovely shade of blonde and oh how it blended with my skin tones.

In that moment of seeing that unwanted nose hair, I screamed in horror.  My poor better half came flying down the stairs at an alarming rate.  He grabbed my pudgy face and said “what honey, what’s wrong, are you hurt, did you fall?”  No I sobbed and then pointed to my nostril “look can you see it?”  He strained his eyes until he caught a glimpse of the offending appendage and than he said those magical words “oh great, I am engaged to an ape!”  And then he laughed all the way down the hallway! 

It dawned on me at that moment that my worst nightmare was starting to come true.  Years ago when I was a wee lass, I had seen this older plump Italian woman, and not only did she have a full on foo manchu moustache, but she was sporting her best Robin Hood goatee.  I had nightmares about her facial hair for years and I guess you could say I have been obsessed with hair on my face ever since than. 

So with my best set of tweezers, I plucked that bugger right out of my nose and let me tell you, it didn’t go with out a fight! Because as I was tugging at it, my nostril was being pulled at the same time!  By the time, that bloody little thing popped out, my poor nostril had been stretched to a two finger width!

On a side note, I was telling my mom about it and the first thing she said was “Oh gawd, please don’t blog about this!”  Sorry mom!

In any event, me and my nostril are not going to be thwarted by a hair.  Do you think that they do laser hair removal for one hair off the nostril?  Too much?

Oh well, perhaps I will just let it grow.  Maybe if I just let it grow long enough, it will be able to scratch my cheek!  See, always a bright side people, always a bright side!

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches

22 comments:

  1. That is a new one. Hair off the side of your nose. You are going to have to change your nomicker. I probably spelled that wrong. Change it to NOT Your Average Girl. Had it been a chin hair... that would have put you in the average girl league, but off the side of the nostril and only one does.not. Sorry. You are a freak.of.nature. I say this with some envy. I have dark hair, wish I could brag about not having to shave around my thigh like a maniac when I want to wear a swimsuit, and began plucking chin hairs when my hormones went screwy thanks to the hormonal imbalance that also keeps me constantly migrainey. It's a 2 for 1 deal. Migraines and chin hair. Yay. It's like the lottery. Not.

    I don't think I showed the appopriate amount of remorse for your single nose hair. I will work on it and try to come up with something better tomorrow.

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  2. Yah I am not feeling the sympathy their Robin... LOL

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  3. If you need some additional income, I'm sure there's a...a...specialty website that has photos of women with hair on their nostrils out there someplace.

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  4. LOL... I will keep that in mind George...

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  5. i've discovered a couple neck hairs & about 3 nose hairs on myself so far, but thankfully i was able to detect the nose hairs & remove them before they got wholly out of hand.
    "By the time, that bloody little thing popped out, my poor nostril had been stretched to a two finger width!"
    that's a good line. and a lovely mental picture as well! =)

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  6. Well I am glad I am not alone Sherilin... :)

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  7. This post made my day....I've been a little blue and I needed something funny.....it also reminds me of a lunch I had with a friend.....we are sitting there talking just visiting..you know....and she reaches across the table puts her two fingers on my neck and give a BIG YANK.....she pulled out about a 3 inch hair growing out of the side of my neck...I thought I would p...my pants I laughed so hard.

    Xo

    Jo

    ..

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  8. Wait til they start showing up in crowds.....not just a single hair, but three, four, or five! The joys of aging!

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  9. Only you could make a hilarious post out of a nose hair, you are the master!! I do hate you though (:-) for never having to share in that womanly rite of passage: complete eradication of any hair not popping out of one's head. I can totally relate to the older plump Italian woman, which pretty much describes the entire female senior citizen population.

    Thankfully I am mustache and goatee free, but the rest all I can say is thank God for razors, wax and laser. The only thing that saves me is the tan I get every summer...

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  10. I haven't seen any weird hair growth on my face so far, but I do have an odd white "freckle" on the side of my face. I think it's an age spot in reverse! And coming from someone who has freckles all over her face, it looks weird. I find myself looking at it in the mirror, waiting for it to go away. Bud, lovely man that he is, doesn't even notice it. To me, the diameter is the size of the moon!

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  11. Hahahahaha! I'm sorry, that's all I've got! :)

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  12. Bloody hilarious :)Thanks for the laugh :)

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  13. I know you found that horrifying, but i would have found that so satisfying. Plucking it would have been the highlight of my day!...I know, I need a life...

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  14. This is so funny! BTW, I'm not as lucky as you in the body hair department. Being Indian means guaranteed dark facial hair and body hair. If I don't shave/tweeze/wax regularly, it's an outright disaster....

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  15. Your humorous posts always make me laugh. Brilliant timing! I get a long hair on my chinny chin chin - also just the one and as strong as wire!

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  16. Gotta love a rogue hair. Not. Being dark haired, my best friend is my tweezers. Although, I hve been lucky enough to avoid one out of the side of my nostril.

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  17. Just pluck it..wince and pluck:) Chin hair follows:)

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  18. Oh girl!! You are SO lucky!

    I have dark hair and apparently I come from a line of apes...because I am one hairy woman. LOL

    I told my OB recently that I felt like I was morphing into a man. She laughed and said I hadn't seen anything!!! And THAT REALLY scares me. LOL

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  19. Hmmmmmm, it has been my experience that time will only multiply the number of hairs that you will be plucking off your nose, under nose, side of nose, top of nose, chin, under chin, and neck......keep those fingers nimble and those tweezers in tip top shape. You're just on the tip of a wonderous new experience in life...ha ha.

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  20. that IS a new one! Wow. Ick. The things we have to look forward to.

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  21. Great chuckle - thanks.
    Just to let you know, and no offense, I am laughing at you, not with you.

    [looking in mirror, armed with tweezers]

    thegoodthebadthewtf.blogspot.com

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  22. Gotta love getting older...I am not as fair haired...ugh.. Thanks for the laugh!

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