Thursday, September 15, 2011

She can’t be rosie and sunshiny all the time, can she?

I’ve got a friend and she is the epitome of happiness every day.  I mean every day!  Did I mention every freaking day of her life? She is so damn happy, that I want to throttle her at times.  Of course I wouldn’t because that would be paramount to the evil Queen giving Snow White a poisonous apple and since she has a large number of dwarfs and happy animals surrounding her, they would probably drop me like the sack of potatoes I am! 
I am not jealous, I tell ya!  Seriously, I am not (okay maybe a bit, but just a teeny tiny little minuscule amount).  And I just keep thinking to myself, that it can’t be normal, can it? Perhaps,  she is just sucking back some vodka infused lollipops every day and walks around with a goofy smile on her face that everyone interprets as happiness! And perhaps all her gooey rainbow happiness status lines on facebook, is nothing more than the silly verbiage of liquored up woman! 
In any event, this is where I step in and tell you, that this person is nowhere near my persona.  I am anything but, and this week has proved to all those around me that there are days that I put the “ass” in crabass.  Sorry to those who do not like swearing, please avert your eyes, I don’t swear often in my posts and would hate to offend any of you lovelies. 
The gist is, I want to gripe here but I am having a problem in doing that, simply because I look at my blog as a place to practice my writing, as a place to get better with my writing, as a place to grow in my writing.  It’s just my lovely little place in the blogosphere. 
But I am breaking the rules today, and here I go (now if you don’t like rants, can I kindly suggest that this is the moment you should go and check out another blog): 
Please do not ask me to work on a project for three consecutive days and finally get it organized between three lawyers, a Judge, a Doctor, three court houses, a video service and camera man and then cancel it the next day. 
Please do not ask me to hold your mocha while we are driving, and peal back the lid and have the foam splatter my face and clothes and wonder why I won’t talk to you for an hour. 
Please don’t tell me that you will take a certain amount on an item you have on ebay and have me submit the offer, only then to make me wait two full long agonizing days before you accept it, just on the off chance you might get a better offer. 
Please do not call me at 11:30 a.m. on a work day and tell me that someone else wants to look at my house, and tell me to go home on my lunch hour (via taxi) to clean my house, and then take a taxi back to work, to then take a taxi back home after work to get my dog out of there before 5:05 p.m. to accommodate a potential buyer who is RETIRED and can come at any time!!! 
Please do not arrange a viewing of another house for me to look at and then cancel it five minutes before I am suppose to be there! 
Please do not give me extra onions and no pickles on my sandwich after I asked very nicely for no onions and extra pickles. 
Please do not give me a mascara and tell me its not waterproof and then I spend the next two hours in my bathroom trying to peel off the mascara that is obviously waterproof. 
But mostly:  Please do not wake me up on a Sunday morning to tell me you want to look at my house and make me leave my house for five hours while you keep postponing your viewing and then tell my realtor that you want to offer me what I paid for it 6 years ago at the base price before I paid the provincial tax on my then new house, before my upgrades, before the built ins, before I put appliances in, before I put custom blinds in, before I put a built in vacuum system in, before I put an alarm system in, before I had custom built ins put in my living room and den, before I had custom lighting put in, before I landscaped it, before I put a fence up and I before I had a pergola put in. Because nothing ticks me off more than someone who wants to buy my house $118,000.00 under the assessed value and wants me throw in $50,000.00 in upgrades!!!! 
Oh my gosh, I think I feel better! 
Hey??? Maybe I can be rosie and sunshiny all the time! 
Yea right!!! Who am I kidding!
All hail the Queen of the Crabasses! 
Long Live my Reign!


  1. I am a total crabass and I don't get happy people. Life is one tragedy after another, I say. Call me Eyeore.

    As to the real estate woes -- there's nothing happy about real estate right now. at all!

  2. I can feel all that stress just evaporating. If you cant rant here, among your friends, then where can you.
    Was there cussing? Must have missed it.
    Moving house sucks big time. I know, I have done it.

    And nobody is happy all the time unless they are on some serious medication. It just isnt normal.

  3. I love the list of "please don't..." I'm going to try that myself. So polite!!

  4. Oh, you poor sweetie. I would be crabass too if all that was happening to me.

  5. First off... wher did you get that picture of my grandmother? :)

    I also hate the Ebay best offer thing. Hello? Just sell me the damn thing already.

  6. I don't trust "happy people".

    They have basements. And shovels.

  7. Miss Sunshine I love you :)
    Don,t you feel better now that you let it alllllllllllll out


  8. Now that that's off you chest.......

  9. I'd feel like a crabass (or worse) if all that happened to me, too!

    BTW, I got your postcard! :o) Thank you, my dear!

  10. Rant away missy, I totally dig it, besides it's good for the soul. As far as your 'cussing' goes, who are you kidding? you don't really want me to believe that ass is a cuss word, do you? cause I say that all the time, actually it seems like a lot of people in my world share that same name....
    Hope you have a great weekend, love your little town, I'm moving up there. Hey, maybe I could buy your

  11. I'm a cheerful person in general, but I don't like when people don't give me the right to be cranky. I'm like "Hey! I'm human, ok? Do I even need to justify that?!"...
    You be as crabass as much and as often as you want! It's healthy and good for the soul.

  12. Damn, woman! What did you do to piss off the Broccoli Gods? And where was the cussing? "Ass" in crabass was IT? I'm disappointed. Not even an f'n.

  13. I see that Katy is my soul sista here in the crabass department, good not to be alone... and seriously, I promise to put a little more umpf into my cussing next time!!!! :)

  14. This was so funny - life can be so damn frustrating and you HAVE TO vent somehow!! I like to vent on my blog as well. Its worse to keep it bottled up inside so feel free to let it out. I am sorry you have had so many annoyances, I can relate - our brand new house has just been one expensive problem after another and I pray everyday that it isn't a "money pit" house!

  15. Got something for you over at my place.

  16. I'm surprised the retiree wants to come by around 5:05 pm, when there are so many early bird specials at that time.

  17. Oh Tracy, this post has me laughing away to myself! 'Tis very funny girl!! :))

    I think as we get older the stresses of life become less so, and so we become more like your friend, she rocks!......mmmmm, you say vodka infused lollypops does this?? LOL :)))
    (*runs off to make some*)......

  18. Rant away when you truly need to and you should NEVER apologize for them...blogs are very forgiving that way.

  19. i think that ranting as a common practice gets tiresome, but if you put some thought into it & maybe toss in some humor, it's a good stress-relief. you've got reason to be peaved, but just don't stay peavish for long. otherwise, your 500 days of happiness will get tricky.


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