Tuesday, February 7, 2012

...and then she was gone


It was December of 1995, just a mere nine days before Christmas that my mom, a neighbour and myself would trot out to nowhere to see what would become one of the most beautiful blessings of our lives.

Tucked away in the woods, in deplorable conditions was the most disgusting house that contained the most flea ridden, docile ball of fluff that would eventually widdle her way into our hearts and leave a loss so significant, that even now as I sit here typing, the tears roll down my cheeks like raindrops from the sky.

She would be called Maggie Mae and would become one of the greatest love stories of my life.

With hearing so intense and eyes so sharp, high strung to her inner chord, hater of most men and felines, scared of abrupt noises such as her own farts, where kisses were plentiful, and cuddles were memorable, from paw slapping you when she was hungry, to shoving her tiny butt into you when she craved affection, to jumping heights that would revel Superman, she was a wild child at heart and a contradiction on many levels. She was such a gift, our beautiful brown eyed girl, and a complicated sweet soul.

And while she was technically my mom’s little girl, I would spend the greater part of her life being blessed with the kindness of my mother in sharing custody. I would eventually move 20 minutes away and grieve the loss of being a part of her daily life. I would spend the next several years visiting her on Saturday’s and looking forward to hearing words like “Maggie Mae, Auntie Tracy’s here” where she would run excitedly at me and bounce back in a pounce position waiting for her treat followed by love.

Years would go by and time would move on, and she would live what people would deem a long life. But for me, it was not long enough. It would never be long enough. We often made bets that she would outlive us all, or at least until the age of 20, as there was no slowing down for the little girl with the speed and long legs to match.

We would spend her final year watching in sadness as her heart weakened and her health deteriorated. One by one, her usual habits of happiness started disappearing, from rolling on the ground, to barking at me when I went to leave, to pouncing in excitement. Her tail would wag less and her body slept more. It would eventually become apparent, that she was no longer well and a heart wrenching decision would have to be made...

Last Thursday, would be our last time with sweet Maggie. The last time I would kiss her. The last time I would hug her. The last time I would tell her that I loved her. The last time I would tell her what a good girl she was. The last time she would look me in the face. The last time she would kiss me. The last time I would hold her little adorable face in my hands. It would be the last time my heart would feel whole.

And as we reluctantly entered into the vets, she snuggled deep into my mother’s arms, and I stroked her failing body. I watched in agony, as she tried with all her might to keep eye contact with me after the sedative was administered. With my heart bursting into a million pieces, I gave her one more kiss, and shed a million tears. And just before the vet gave her the final shot that would take her from this life into another, I saw a small tear roll down from her eye onto her soft sweet sweet face, and then in quiet peacefulness she was gone. Our beautiful girl... And with her went a huge, irreplaceable part of my heart.

Oh Maggie, how I love you. Thank you for everything little girl.

Maggie Mae
October 22, 1995 to February 2, 2012

32 comments:

  1. That's so sad, it's making me tear up. I am SO sorry for your loss.

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  2. Oh Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss, I know how hard this must be for you and your mom. Thinking of you.
    Hugs,
    Lesley

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  3. oh my gosh, it's so beautifully written but so awful! sounds like my story of my parents 2 goldens who had to be put to sleep last spring. makes my heart hurt to remember still.
    i'm so sorry, trace.

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  4. Thank you for sharing Maggie Mae,s life with us
    This is the greatest love story of a family pet
    as a tear runs down my cheek I,m sending big ((HUGS)) to you and your mother...May you rest in peace Miss Maggie Mae you will be missed by all who loved you no one can replace you ...Fred will miss you tons and he may help mommy grieve for the best little white dog he will ever meet..
    xoxoxoxoxo to you all

    R.I.P. Maggie Mae
    1995 -2012

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  5. sorry Tracy I,m anonymus above
    xoxoxoxoxo
    lynda lou
    xoxoxoxoxox

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  6. thank you Tracy for all the love and caring you gave our sweet Maggie Mae. She will always hold a special place in our hearts. I love you. Mom

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  7. So hard to say goodbye to a loved one, but you've done the right thing. Our canine friends shouldn't suffer, and going to sleep in the warm arms of loved ones is not a bad way to go.

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  8. All I got is virtual ((((HUGS)))

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  9. Damn it girl you made me bawl like a baby! Maggie Mae sounds like she was a true member of your family and she was extremely blessed to have found your family; and vice versa. I'm so sorry for your loss of Maggie Mae.

    My family will be losing our 17 year old dog soon, which will be hard on all of us. We found out at Christmas that she has a tumor on her spleen and the vet said she has maybe three months. I will be lucky to see her again at the end of the month when I'm home.

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  10. I can't even comment right now my friend. I can't see through my tears. I'm crying a million tears with you. Gotta go.
    I'm so so sorry Tracy.
    xoxoxoxo

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  11. I think I could cry.
    It's good you were able to spend her final moments together.

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  12. Oh my dear, I am so, so sorry. Big, big hugs to you and your mum,I know how hard it is when our furry family leaves us :(

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  13. I am so sorry for your loss. I know too well that heart breaking moment when your beloved fur baby looks into your eyes for the very last time (it still makes me cry when I think about it) (hugs for you and your Mum)

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  14. This is a lovely tribute to a wonderful member of your family. It's hard to say goodbye to such unconditional love. Hugs to you and your mum xxxx

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  15. What a lovely tribute to Maggie. Hugs to you and your mom. xo

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  16. My heart has been breaking for you and your mum. So very sad to have to say good bye to such a wonderful family member.
    Hugs and so much love to you my friend. xxx

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  17. So sorry for your loss Tracy! That was such a heart wrenching post and it made me cry! You were lucky to have loved her, I know how sad it can be when we had to put our dog to sleep - just thinking about it makes me so sad I can't breathe!

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  18. How terribly sad. I am so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

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  19. Until you've actually had to endure this painstaking decision and go through it, you cannot appreciate how beautifully written this is. I have no doubt that she will be there wagging her tail to greet you when your time comes. What a lovely post and the love just exudes in each word. Hugs!

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  20. Thank you for all the beautiful, thoughtful and kind comments... It's hard to read them and to look up see and her beautiful face and realize she is no longer here... The sadness right now is overwhelming.

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  21. Oh, so sweet. There is a wonderful book, Dog Heaven, with wonderful illustrations. I got this for my kids when our dog died, but in truth it brought much comfort to me. We're supposed to see our loved ones when we die, so I'm counting on seeing Sam waiting for me. And if dogs aren't in heaven, I want to go where they go!

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  22. Tracy, we went through this with Scrappy's predecessor Fred. I've still not forgiven myself in 4 years. Hugs to you.

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  23. Very very sweet. so hard to let our pets go. We end up loving them so much.

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  24. What a beautiful way to say good-bye to your sweet love. She must have felt that love up until her very last breath.
    Beautiful.
    So sorry for your loss.

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  25. Sweet Maggie. She'll always be in your heart. Take care.

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  26. I am so sorry for your loss. I can completely relate to what you are feeling.

    We lost our sweet girl, Cheyenne, in December of 2010 - one month after relocating from MI to NC. I 'met' Cheyenne in July, of 2000. She was a stray who'd been abandoned in a yard down the street from the house we were leasing at the time. The neighborhood kids told me there was a 'puppy' that had been left in the house by the previous owners when they were evicted. I went down to the house to investigate and brought home what would become one of the greatest blessings I've ever been gifted with in this life. She was our constant companion for almost years. She chased something out of our yard here one fateful night, two weeks before Christmas and must've followed it out to the highway. We searched for her all night and the next day our neighbors showed up at my back door to tell me they'd found her. What a way to start our new life here. Going to get her off the side of the road and bring her home was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life but I had to. I could not leave her there like that. Luckily, her body appeared completely intact. My sweet angel was sleeping peacefully in God's embrace. My son was only three years old at the time and holding it together emotionally for him during was nearly unbearable. My husband and I were both grief stricken and guilt stricken over the whole situation. My son just kept saying, "Daddy, can't you fix Cheyenne so she'll wake up now?" Boy, how we both wished we could.

    My very first blog post was a letter to Cheyenne. I have a photo of her on my sidebar and if you click on it, it will link you to the post. I was feeling such despair over her loss when I began my blogging journey and this outlet has provided an amazing level of catharsis.

    I really enjoyed reading your post. Thank you for sharing the precious memories of your dear friend with us. I can't sit here and sincerely say that time will heal the pain for you. Tears are falling down my face as I type this and my own pain hasn't faded much. I hope it will be a bit easier for you. The memories are priceless.

    Hugs.

    Jenn

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  27. Thank you all for your very kind words xoxo

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  28. I came over from Mynx's page and have to say I am not dissapointed.......It was only last year we had to put our dog Dyan to sleep and it was an heart renching time she was the second pup we had to put to sleep in the last 10 years.

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  29. You have the heart and soul of a poet Tracy, such beautiful and tender words of love for your dear Maggie Mae. I really hope that each day that passes will bring you some strength and comfort. She was so lucky to have a wonderful caring family that adored her. Be strong. x

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  30. no words can adequately express, so i will just say i can so relate...
    hugs

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  31. Good day! Did you fulfill all the settings of this site all by yourself or you turned to professionals to receive help?

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