Monday, March 12, 2012

Finding my Pretty


Years ago, I mean YEARS ago, when I was in the blossom of my youth, I was a tad fashion obsessed, well as fashion obsessed as you could be living in the 1980's in a hick town without reality shows, internet and a store where you could buy both your underwear and your fishing tackle in the same aisle.

While most of the older town women shopped at the local Woolworths store for their yearly supply of the polyester/cotton blend wardrobe, I would every year save my money from my summer job and venture out by traveling the hour and half away with my mom each August to purchase my school outfits from the City I adored.

I felt glamorous in my teens and use to love to preen in front of my mirror and was ridiculously besotted with my once perky breasts and my wrinkle free skin.

A few years later, me, my school clothes, my perky breasts and my smooth baby face would move down to that City I adored and would instantly find out that I was anything but fashion forward.

It would be during this time that my thyroid would stop working and it would be many years before it would be discovered as such and I would spend the next 10 years packing on the poundage. My parents would go through an obscenely rough divorce that would see me eating my troubles away, I would earn a mere $6.67 per hour working for lawyers and be so poor, that I would spend the next several years walking to work with holes in my shoes, tears in my clothes and eating tuna and kraft dinner from the case lots sales at the local grocery store.

I would end up hanging out with other girls my age that were gorgeous and self assured and I would feel ashamed of my looks, and would view myself as the guppy among the starfish.

My confidence would be non-existent and I would spend another decade plus hiding under dark solid colours of clothing and feeling less than desirable and losing myself to that unspeakable nagging voice that kept reminding me that I was just a lump with eyeballs.

It would take up to a few years ago for me to realize that I was so much more than that. And even then, I would only allow myself to indulge in jewelry and purses to make my dowdy clothing seem a little more prettier.

And then this year, something happened that I can't explain.  I had a moment when I realized that I didn't want to go to Italy in my dowdy sturdy clothing.  I didn't want to blend in with the crowd.  I didn't want to be just another unrecognizable woman.  I wanted to be noticed. And as I stood in the clothing store, I felt this surge take over me and within minutes, I started to grab and buy everything that I could that was both feminine and beautiful.   

And then later that evening as I laid out all my new purchases on my bed, I did something completely absurd.  I took a running leap and jumped on my bed and laid among my new clothes, and it dawned on me at that moment, I was and had always been more than I realized, it just took me 20 plus years to figure it out.  

Thankfully, I was finally just finding my pretty.

Until Next Time.

Tracy

26 comments:

  1. i've trended toward dark, solid clothing too. makes for a sad, boring wardrobe, doesn't it?
    i'm glad you're finding your pretty and i hope that you'll feel super glamorous while you're in italy. you're going to have a GREAT time!

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  2. Awww, what an empowering moment for you! Good for you!

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  3. So glad you are finding your pretty!! It is so hard sometime!!

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  4. I never go out so I never buy nice things. So, when a nice occasion comes along all my clothes are not good enough.
    If Italy isn't a reason to find your pretty, I don't know what is!

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  5. It's never too late to find your pretty! I'm still trying to find mine. One day I will. I'm sure. And I hope I have a diving-into-my-pile-of-pretty-clothes moments like you did. :o)

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  6. Dear Tracy - this brought tears of joy to my eyes...what a beautiful, poignant post. It moved me.

    Italy will be so much more because you've allowed yourself to be free.

    Big hugs coming your way, Jenny @PEARSON REPORT

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  7. You really should wait and buy your clothes in Italy. The entire country is one big fashion show. You'd die in Milan or Florence.

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  8. Reading this piece, was like looking in the mirror for me. I totally related to it. I sometimes, thing I've found "my" pretty, but the nagging and negative voices in my head, scare her away. Yay for you, for finally finding her, and keeping her!!! :)

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  9. Your pretty has always been there!
    I'm glad you can see it too! xo

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  10. Happy for you Tracy! I have always veered towards neutral colours and have any number of clothes in black, grey and taupe and love them! Many a time my family will "force" me to buy something bright and I bow to their pressure and get something in pink and loathe it so much I only wear it once. Then I went to Italy! When I arrived in Milan for the first time in 1995 and walked through the beautiful shopping arcades my jaw fell open! All the windows were full of black, grey and taupe with no apology! The elegant women were all wearing it, with no sign whatsoever of pink! Now, times have changed a bit and shades come and go with the seasons, but I no longer feel the need to excuse my love of the dull! You can always brighten a look with accessories!
    Who am I kidding?
    I wear dull colours because I think it hides my bulges! But it doesn't! I just look overweight and dull instead of overweight and pretty! So go for it Tracy! :-)

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  11. So now your clothes match the sunshine in your soul. Colour is life and happiness.
    This post makes me so very very happy

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  12. Loved this post so much -- thank you for sharing :)

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  13. Still looking for my pretty. Hopefully I'll find it before I hit 50! Great post Tracy--glad you are going to be looking so fab in Italy.

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  14. Thank you guys for all your lovely and great comments xoxo

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  15. Wouldn't it be great if we could figure this out while we were younger... to be fair, I can't say I'm where you are yet.

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  16. I'm sorry it took you so long to finally figure out what your family and friends already new. You are without a doubt the most beautiful lady ever. Not only outside appearance but inside too. And by the way you're new clothes are awesome and Jim will have to fight those Italiano men off just to keep you his!!!!!!!!!!

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  17. I'm glad to hear you found yourself!

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  18. sweet!!!! and inspiring! we have been taught that perfection deserves rewards and praise. what crap! be you! that is perfection...

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  19. I'm so happy to read this! You're going to have the most amazing time in Italy with your new found confidence!

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  20. There's nothing better than getting lots of new clothes in my opinion! ......Well maybe a fab holiday in Italy will be a close second! :) Im thrilled to know you've found your pretty!
    You go girl! :))

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  21. This was one of your best posts ever, and that's saying a lot, because all your posts are great. This was like the manifesto of warrior prettiness! You rock.

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  22. I am so happy that you are "found your pretty" because you are gorgeous, Tracy. Go to Italy knowing this, and never EVER doubt it.

    Kat xx

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  23. Thanks lot for this useful article, nice post

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