Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Why is it when you have a problem and you go to explain it to someone that they come back with “My mother’s sister’s son’s friend’s mother has the same problem as you but much more severe than yours!”  When I hear things like that I just want to say “oh brother, give me a break”.  I once had this Acupuncturist tell me that I did not need to justify my problems.  That yes there are people out there with bigger problems than mine, but that my problems were no less important.  I was grateful for that statement although I might have taken it too literally.  As there are times, unfortunately, that I love to hear myself talk and I could really care less if you are listening, just as long as I can whine and whine.  In fact, slice me up some of that delicious smelling cheese to go with my whine, won’t ya?  On those days, you might as well get comfy, uncork me, let me breath and dump the rest of my “whine” down the sink before it becomes vinegar!  

It’s sad but at some point in my life, I had come to feel that we had become a society of incredibly self absorbed individuals.  I no longer took much interest in my friend’s lives and no longer wanted to share my moments with them as well.  I had built this nice safe wall, which by all accounts is still pretty much standing.  I had once been this really nice caring person, and at one time, I would have done just about anything for you, made you anything, drove you anywhere, picked you up anywhere, listened to your problems any time of the day whether you were my best friend or just an acquaintance.  I had at some point become the quintessential door mat.

My ability to really deeply care about people came to a screeching halt after living ten years in my favourite city.  It was just a different atmosphere from growing up in a small town.  The mentality was to take and never give back and after years of giving and not receiving, I had enough.  I no longer believed in the idea of a “best friend” and I had long lost the ability to completely trust.  My interest in everyone was just surface at best.  I really did not want to be too deeply ensconced in anyone’s life except my own and my immediate family’s, but even there, I was happy to draw a line.  But on the flip side, I no longer had any expectations of other individuals taking interest in my life.  I was becoming a hermit and liking it.

So imagine my surprise when I flippantly posted a status line on my facebook about an unfortunate diagnosis that I received, and within an hour, I received many many emails and a few really nice status posts on my facebook.  Friends I knew for a long time and new friends that I barely knew stepped up immediately to the plate.  People I had not seen for years, since high school in fact, sent me emails.  I was stunned.  Actually speechless.  And then the flood gates opened.  And I cried.  And I cried.  In fact, I sobbed so hard, that my heart actually hurt. It was almost like I was the Grinch and the narrator had just said: “And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say, That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!”  I was so grateful for the words that were said.  They were the perfect version of a cyber hug for which I needed at that exact moment.  And because of that, my “oh brother” went to “oh my gosh”.

Today’s blog is nothing more than a thank you to those of you who listened, to those of you who responded, to those of you who cared enough to make me feel not alone.  To you my friends, to my better half, to my extraordinary mother, to my little pooch who sat on my lap and tried to lick my face clean when I was crying, I just want to say Thank You.  My heart was touched.  

And even though the wall around me is still standing, I have notice that some of the bricks have fallen down to expose this amazingly warm sunlight and for that I am grateful.

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches.

1 comment:

  1. You are the most beautiful ray of sunshine and without a few droplets of tears you would wither up...Life throws us curves in the road and yours has a few extra switch backs but eventually it has to straighten out and when it does the sun will be shining on you. Chin up you are dearly loved by all.


I love hearing from ya! Thanks for stopping by!