It's been awhile since I posted something worth writing about on this blog.
You see, I have been taking some extraordinary changes in my life. My sister in law's near death had an incredible resounding impact on me. It was such a weird feeling that day I sat looking at her in the ICU. I felt my body vibrate in away that said, you have to change Tracy.
And so I have...
I am now 17 pounds lighter, and 32 days into a sugar free, flour free, processed food free and dairy free kind of life. I have to tell you that it's been no walk in the park. In fact, it's been a complete crawl in the ditch. But for every crawl, you must eventually stand up, dust yourself off and take the baby steps that eventually lead you to regular steps, hoping that you will reach a jog and finally to a full out run. And, I have my running shoes already laced up. Because, I am leaving behind those things that bound me and dictated my life and I have taken control. And what I see is my future. And as corny as it sounds, it is bright and shiny there and I cannot wait to hit it in full stride.
Small changes make the sacrifice worthwhile, like the lessening of swelling and pain in my joints. Not too mention the added bonus of compliments, like the other day, a lovely friend/colleague told me I looked good and then another friend told me that my face was glowing, neither of which even knew what I was up too. Inside, I smiled that smile that said, this is only the beginning my friends.
I feel different. And in someways, I actually feel beautiful. Relaxed and peaceful. Kind of crazy huh. It makes me cry a little thinking of it, and I am not sure why. Perhaps, I am starting to let go of that notion that I must deserve to be in this much pain. It's alway been a belief I felt strongly about, kind of like my cross to bear in this lifetime.
But mostly, I am starting to feel more and more like Tracy. I have to tell you, I have missed her. I have looked for her for years. And finally, she is starting to emerge again.
I wonder why we fight against the tides of change. I suppose it is the unknown, at least it is for me. But if we did not give in to changes, we would spend our lives like caterpillars and miss that opportunity of developing into something more beautiful, more extraordinary.
Yes I know, I am tad mushy tonight, but it is all good because you know what? It is true what they say:
Change is good.
Thank you to those who stuck around on my blog, having faith that I would come back, even when I didn't have faith in myself. And thank you to those who recently signed up even when my blog said I was done, it made me wonder if I really was done afterall.