Monday, March 28, 2011

It's all about the Visualization (I hope!)

A lean mean fighting machine, my better half towers over me with his 6 foot frame.  Never one to worry about what he garbled down in a day in carbs, he is ironically an amazing specimen of a man.  He has long lean legs and the cutest of behinds.  Often sitting on our bed, I peer into our ensuite bathroom while he is having a shower and become utterly mesmerized by his slender body.  Well, in fact, I am just out and out jealous. 

My jello cup of body is nothing to write home about.  In fact, it’s nothing to write about at all.  Painfully short, stubby legs and a booty you could set a picnic on, I am the epitome of a goofy cartoon drawing.  Lucky for me that my better half finds this walking jello cup attractive or I would still be stuck on some shelf with my expiration date fast approaching.

As the days compound upon each other and my quest to live a life solely based on fruits, veggies and protein, I have become painfully aware of a very volatile part of my psyche.

First let me make it abundantly clear that while I have chosen this path, I have absolutely no expectations of my better half following in my foot steps.  He has no need to, and in fact would probably shrivel up and die if he did not consume his pound of sugar a day.  Blessed with his mother’s metabolism, the man literally metabolizes sugar into workable energy.  In fact, he is an admirable freak of nature.

But the other day as he was shoveling back a piece of cake and I was eating my orange, he leaned over at me with his sweet induced vanilla cake breath and  mumbled the words “I am so proud of you honey, I am just so proud.”  Instead of focusing on the positivity of his words, all I could see was the soft velvety cake crumbs around the corners of his mouth and the leftover luscious icing on the edges of his lips.  I was salivating like a full running faucet, and in that moment, two things crossed my mind in a minuscule flash. First, I wanted to dive at him, and lick the icing off his lips like a hungry dog and suck up those crumbs like a hoover vacuum cleaner on steroids. Followed, by wanting to take that freaking piece of cake and shove it up his nostrils where the sun couldn’t find it.  I gave a twisted, sweet controlled little smile, devoured my orange like a cannibal and walked way with steam oozing out of my ears.  It was not a pretty sight. 

And at that moment, I realized that this was going to be my life.  Him eating whatever he wants, me watching in a torturous state.

Being a lover of food, I am grieving I suppose over this change in my life.  Eventually, it will just become a  permanent way, well I am hoping anyways.  I am even anticipating that there will come a day where food will not mean that much too me. Yes, I am starting to think I am becoming a tad delusional myself.

But for now though, I realize I have two options in my effort to survive this sweet, torturous, self inflicted nightmare: 

a.  Anger Management Counselling; or

b.  Visualization.

Hmmmm, I am thinking that I will take option “b”.  There is just something delightfully wicked about fantasizing that I am beating my better half senseless with a fully loaded sub.  Yes my friends, it is all about the fully loaded sub!  Oops, I mean the visualization.  Yes, it's all about the visualization.  Oh lord, let it be about the visualization!

Until Next Time.


34 comments:

  1. Great post... I have tremendous weaknesses for baked goods. Cookies, cupcakes and pretty much any kind of pastry.

    But alas I am not blessed with your better half's metabolism so I need to burn those calories or have them stuck with me forever. And that's what I do. I don't completely cut those goodies from my diet, but I do work my arse off to negate those cals!

    SD
    www.TheSimpleDude.com

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  2. I feel your pain, sister! And SD! I love me some ooey, gooey chocolately goodness n baked form and I also like to make them, so I feed my own habit. Somebody once told me this: "Thin people say no thank you." It stuck with me and every time I have a craving, I'll think about that. Sometimes I don't listen, but sometimes... I do! Hugs to you! You CAN do it!

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  3. Not to be a bad influence, but maybe just one little teeny tiny square of cake would satisfy that evil all consuming craving? Maybe? Just have a high protein lunch that way you can indulge a little for your afternoon snack and get back on track for dinner. I'm with SD, I CANNOT cut out certain things...I just have to make up for it later!

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  4. Okay, so now my mouth is full on drooling over all the mentions of food and gooey chocolately chip cookies. Me thinks I'll have to bake some more to feed the habit as kmcaffee says above.

    While I haven't gone on a diet, I have been forced to cut myself off from fast food, which was practically a staple in my life while in the city. Why have I cut myself off, forcefully? Oh, because the nearest McD's is at least two hours away. And while I was visiting family in Redding this past weekend, I am proud to say that I didn't ingest ANY fast food. Restaurants, yes, but fast food, no.

    Just keep swimming. ;o)

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  5. Have you tried replacing the foods you love for slightly healthier varieties? For eg red velvet cake for vegan red velvet cake (at least no dairy, no eggs, less sugar)? Maybe a gradual transition would make it easier to keep with the dietary habits in the long run?

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  6. Lovely thought Marcela... but any sugar, artificial or not, stimulates the pain in my autoimmune disease. So for me, its not worth doing a slow transition from. I rather be hungry then in intense pain. But thanks any way darlin!

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  7. I've read a lot on this subject actually. A lifetime of denial [of things you enjoy] is maybe not the most constructive mentality, though that kind of willpower is admirable! Every now and again though, for a special occasion say, you should give yourself permission to indulge in something you love. Don't think of it as cheating, because it's not. If you have a healthy life style, stick with your goals as you've set them, you do deserve a guilt free treat every now and again. Congrats on sticking to your guns!

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  8. in time, it gets easier. when i first quit meat, i thought about it & dreamed about it, but it's been 12 years & i rarely even think of it anymore. the same thing with smoking. it's like my body needed a period of time for detoxing & then i was over it. i hope that happens for you too & that you'll have that lovely added benefit of feeling better to keep you motivated.
    love ya!

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  9. Thanks darlin... meat will be next on my list too... but not until I have this conquered... Love ya back!

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  10. I completely understand then! No sugar is definitely much better than pain. You will crave it less and less over time, and I'll be sending you strength to cope with any craving you may have!

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  11. Would it be ok to he one day a week be the day you can eat whatever you want?

    And to SherilinR - Where ever did you get your resolve? If you culd bottle up that will-power and sell it, you' be rich! Proud of you.

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  12. Nah Middle Child... I can't unfortunately, sugar, dairy, flour and processed food affects my autoimmune disease and contributes to the inflammation... but it's all going to be okay. eventually... lol

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  13. hm, I think I'm going through this detoxing phase, I had a moment when I gave up and went back, that was so dumb - it's detox again, that road is so boring already!! Good Luck and DO NOT give in! make rules, stick to them. and if u do eat sth chocolatey - be sure to enjoy it for as long as u can, remember, appreciate it and embrace this feeling!

    @SherilinR - I agree with you - time....

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  14. what kind of autoimmune thing you got going on?

    As I sit here eating an sring roll from costco, I am very proud of your resolve, i wish that i had it... keep going.

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  15. Hi sweetie... it's an inflammatory autoimmune disease. Basically, inflammation is attacking my joints, and I have no idea what I am going to wake up to in the morning, a few weeks ago it was my knees, before that my hands, before that an ankle, and right now my SI joints and my hips. It's not alot of fun. But I find that certain foods assist in aggravating it, so hence the cleanse and the reduction in crap food. :)

    Costco huh, did you see any dog beds while you were there. Man I got to get up there and do some shopping!

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  16. I think Stevia is awesome, but I am worried it will just trigger a craving for sugar just based on its flavour... so I am staying away from anything that will make me salivate more than I need too... lol

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  17. Keep going! I once went without sugar for 2 years..the desire for it decreases each and every day (seriously, it really does!) Hang in there, if this is helping relieve your pain, its worth every bite you Don't take! I'm rooting for ya-

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  18. I think that's just mean to eat cake in front of you. Can't he like sneak it when you're not looking? Or after you've gone to bed? Boys and their fast metabolisms suck :P

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  19. Keep us posted on how things are going!
    I need to detox from a lot of things...

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  20. Oh my goodness. almost every sentence of this post had me giggling.
    Not that I am taking lightly your frustration over weight and body image...Nope
    but you have such a funny way of putting it into perspective.
    You hubby loves you just the way you are.and that's wonderful.
    is it possible to have that ONE piece of cake every once in awhile, and appreciate the booty

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  21. Don't you just hate those people that have such a fast metabolism, they make you tired just looking at them eat? You're doing great on your new resolve, keep it up. :)

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  22. Tracy, you are just amazing. I think I have will power, but you just take the top prize! I would love to cut down on my sugar intake. I just don't have the balls to do it!

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  23. I have found out recently I have MD(Macular Degeneration) in my left eye. I have changed my diet to include foods high in the good stuff I need to help keep it at bay. I know diet change is a struggle at first (like when I gave up caffeine). But as you know it does get better.

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  24. Only you could take a topic of such abject misery (is that actually a word? :\) and turn it into such a funny post.. I just cannot watch my diet. It's impossible. :( Fortunately, all the bouncing I do keeps the needle on the scale from moving too much to the right.. :)
    Hang in there AG!! And know that you've earned my admiration for sticking to your orange. :D :D

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  25. Keep it up, girl! I admire you so much for staying strong! Take pleasure in your visualizations, you deserve that!

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  26. I think I would have wanted to beat him at first, too. It was the right thing for him to say, but just not the right time for him to say it. Don't people like that make you sick?

    By the way, I think it's a proven fact that if you had sucked the cake and icing off of his face, it has no calories. Not to mention, he probably would have wanted to burn more calories with you had you done that. :) Just sayin'...

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  27. What a great post and the end is hilarious!!! I know how you feel. The day I quit drinking pepsi's, my husband started drinking them. When I began to eat healthy, husband was pigging out on sweets and chips. I had many thoughts of shoving something up there where the sun doesn't shine, lol.

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  28. You are so awe-inspiring Tracy! I totally admire what you are doing and achieving!

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  29. I have found that it does get easier with time when trying healthier habits. My husband so doesn't get it and will exclaim, Mmm this is so good. I could just kill him!

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  30. You never fail to bring smiles. I don't have much of a sweet tooth..apart from soda cravings...and cakes...and doughnuts. So maybe I have a little sweet tooth. lol But, not so much with candy.

    And, um, if someone is downing a super-size Coke from McDonalds, my mood goes super sour and I must treat myself...to chocolate milk. Hey, it's milk...does a body good, right? ;)

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  31. I FEEL for you, I really do. My darling other half smokes, and I've just quit, and I KNOW it's unreasonable to expect him not to smoke just cuz I've stopped, BUT....

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