Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I’m sneezing like a banshee and passing gas like a trucker, but at least your lunch looks good!

Once upon a time in a far away place lived a beautiful, vibrantly young, blonde, blue-eyed girl.  Okay, she didn’t live too far away, her blonde hair was from a bottle, her blue eyes were bloodshot, beautiful was in the eye of the beholder or a drunk man in a pub and the youthful girl comment was more debatable.  What?  You are not allowed to fantasize about your appearance?  Sheesh, everyone’s a critic....

Anywhooo, this lovely ahem ahem many-years-before-becoming-a-middle-age woman (even though her boobs would argue that point) was gearing up for a lovely holiday away with her better half.

She was doing everything possible to ensure that she was calm and collected and was proud of her accomplishment.  Until.......

.......She woke up on a dreaded Wednesday morning.  Fraught with running eyes, sneezy nose, and itchy throat which caused her to make the horrific “CCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” noise in attempt to relieve her itchy throat and ears. She thought that perhaps in her kleenex induced delusion that she had a very minor case of hayfever.

Ever the trooper that she was, she popped an antihistamine, got dressed, headed to work and hoped for the best.

However, later that morning, she realized that perhaps it was not hayfever afterall as now her bowels were playing heavy metal music out loud for all to enjoy, or not to enjoy depending on the company.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, she broke out into a rampant case of the hiccups followed by a not so lady like belch.

By the time lunch time rolled around, she was reduced to a stinky equivalent of a one man band.  With sounds and smells emanating from ever orifice of her body, she hung her head in shame and proceeded to slink down to the shared/office bathroom where her array of musical accouterments continued on until she heard someone giggling outside the washroom door.

As she tried to muster up all the courage she had (which wasn’t much) to leave the bathroom, she opened the washroom door and proceeded to walk past the lunchroom of the downstairs doctors office.  Just as she thought she was in the clear, a burst of laughter came forth from the lunchroom.

With all her dignity, she turned around with a smile and said as sweet as she could: “Yes, I’m sneezing like a banshee and passing gas like a trucker, but at least your lunch looks good.  I ate that just before all this happened to me....”

And then she walked up the stairs with a smug smile.

The end.

10 comments:

  1. ::laughs:: Aws that made me smile for sure =)

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  2. Yeah, what Ruth said! Our allergy index was at 11.8 out of 12 yesterday, it sucked.

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  3. Oh yeah, you got them good :) Great post and it had me laughing but I'm really sorry you're hard down with a nasty cold. Feel better soon.

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  4. What makes you guys think I am talking about me... LOL

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  5. lol, right, cuz you'd never do such a thing as pass gas. you are rootie tootie, fresh & fruitie!
    funny story, but i think this may be yet another round between you & your cranky downstairs neighbor lady.

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  6. Tsk tsk tsk... Sheesh Sherilin... I am nothing but a lady, I tell ya... a lady, a full on lady! with a gas problem... ugh

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  7. Just love what you said to the evil people in the breakroom. LOL

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