Tuesday, October 18, 2011

BACK AWAY FROM THE MAGAZINE, AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT!!!


By this point (unless your new to my blog or new to my life), everybody is most likely aware that I have some odd idiosyncrasies.  One of the craziest things about me is my love of a fresh and never been handled magazine.  Oh how I adore them with their new smell, their feel, their glossiness, and the fact that I am the first to touch their clean pages. Why in fact, it is nothing short of utterly exhilarating.  It's a love affair I have had for more years than I can count and it probably started when I was a child. You know I use to have two subscriptions, one to the Annie Oakley Fan club and the other to Junior National Geographic (yea yea, I know I look like a dweeb, but please there were no junior/teen fashion magazines back then and probably is the reason behind the way I dress now!)  Anyway, I use to wait that long 30 days in between until the next magazine would come in, and when it arrived in that delightful brown paper packaging with my name on it, I would bolt to my bedroom to savour the excitement of opening it all to myself.  

Oh the joys of it all as I sat there staring at my newly minted magazine in all it's shiny, new and cleanly glory. Many years later, and I can confirm that I still feel the same way. It probably would come as no surprise to find out that I nearly burst a vein on the side of my forehead if someone else touches my virgin magazine before I do. Those who know me well, know that I must be the first to flip thru it's untouched pages and I must be the first to read it, and if I am not, don't even bother giving it to me!

Of course, it should also be no shock that I absolutely cannot touch a magazine in any office setting. You know what I mean? Those horrid disgusting, finger licked magazines that glaringly stare at you while you are sitting at your doctor's or at your dentist's office. All I can see is a zillion little fingers that have flipped thru those pages. EEEEWWWW!  It blows my mind that most doctors offices require you to put a face mask on during flu season so as not to spread germs, but leave out for everyone to touch, sneeze on, cough on, snot on, paper reading products! Like we aren't going to catch anything off those little germ collectors! *shudder*.

Ironically, I have been with my better half for eight and half years and he still does not understand this flaw in my personality. And I nearly get frantic when I come home from a store and he starts to empty out the bags and grabs my magazine and does a quick flip thru those virgin pages.  It takes all my strength not too leap across our kitchen island, put him in a choke hold and slap him silly!  He regularly looks at me as though I am some sort of maniac, and perhaps I am.  But it is only when I have read the magazine thoroughly and I mean every page from top to bottom, from side to side, from article to article that you may pick it up and view it. Yes I know what you are thinking and you wouldn't be the first to call me crazy!

I think I can say with total assurance that at this point in my life, it is highly doubtful that I am ever going to change when it comes to the virgin magazine. And if you are ever in a magazine aisle and you see this girl reaching for the magazine way way waaaaaaaaaaaaaay at the back of the pile, the likelihood is, that is just crazy old me!  Harmless of course, unless you touch my virgin magazine and then I take no further responsibility for my future actions.

Until next time.

Cheers
Tracy

25 comments:

  1. Tracy, I think we need to start a support group. I am exactly the same way. It's MY magazine and god help the person who touches it before me. Even the paper cuts from the crisp edges don't seem to hurt as bad either do they? OMG, I'm a magazine hoarder and I need help!

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  2. i'm surprised you can even stand to buy one in a store. i would figure you for a subscription only kind of girl to be sure of the pristine state of your glossy pages.

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  3. yes, you are a bit "crazy"...but that's why we enjoy reading you. You make us laugh!!
    I have to agree with you though about magazines in public places....I heard that they are COVERED with "other peoples" germs.
    helloooooooooo...sick people are in dr's offices, so why would we want to touch them.

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  4. I just recycled about 20 magazines today. Love them so much more than reading articles online!

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  5. Me too. MY magazine. Do not touch. Do not even look at the cover! If I could, I'd tell the mailman to wear gloves when he delivers it!!!!
    This is middlechild.

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  6. I never thought about doctors magazines in that way.... Not touching them ever again!

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  7. Have you thought about joining M.T.A. Magazine touchers Anonymous? They may be able to help you...I love reading your blog, you crack me up. Thanks for the comment on the doctor's office magazines, not touching them again :)

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  8. How do you know the magazine person stocking the shelves hasn't looked through the back magazine?
    Just wondering.
    Honeyman does the same thing with Twizzlers so he gets a fresh bag.

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  9. I don't read many magazines but it does take me forever to pick out a book at Costco. I start with the book on top of the stack and then begin thinking about all those kids fingering it after eating all of those free samples. Then I go through the stack looking for a perfect pristine copy. By the time I've made my selection my wife has finished walking all the aisles and is ready to leave.

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  10. Wow! I never thought of all the germs magazines can carry... Now I guess I will... xDD

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  11. I'm slightly the same in that I always choose the magazine or book from the back, so I can be certain it hasn't been contaminated. But then, paradoxically, I do use our local library! Maybe I assume people who use libraries are generally of the hygienic type!

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  12. I may be missing somethng as I rarely ever read magazines. Hmmm, might have to have a closer look on shopping day at the ones at the back

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  13. I am totally with you on waiting room magazines. Who knows what kind of germs there are on there?!

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  14. I never thought of office magazines that way, I will now. I've got a different problem. I'm a 1/2 reader. When my new magazines come I go cover to cover, but I skim. Some articles I read, others I save for "later". Unformtunately, I'm still waiting on later. And because I'm waiting on "later" I've got magainzines from March that still haven't been completely read.

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  15. That makes two of us going way to the back of the pile of magazines. I do it for a different reason though. I HATE buying a magazine that has any dents or torn pages! I always ask that the magazine be put in its own bag so that it won't be damaged by the other purchases. Once at London Drugs a male checkout was confused by my request. Finally I said "Ok young man, you know how a woman with cramps wants chocolate NOW and someone runs and gets some for her before she gets up to kill them, it's the same thing for me and my magazines! JUST GIVE NE THE BAG!!" I think I scared him.

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  16. Wow, you've given me so many things to think about!

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  17. I am so glad that I am not the only germaphob around these parts!!! LOL!!!

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  18. Ever since the swine flu pandemic, I never use my fingers if I need to punch in my pin number into bank card machines.I always whip out my car keys and use them to punch in the numbers. The germs on them machines.....UGHHHH! *shudders*
    I also use my elbow or foot to push open doors, cant touch dirty handles when out and about.....I totally understand being a germaphobe too!!
    *runs off to wash hands*.....

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  19. noice! my wife is in love with them as well...

    there is something really awesome about fresh of the press stuff tho', so i understand completely!

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  20. I have a couple things in common with the virgin magazine, then. When I buy one in a store, I take from the back because those have not likely been handled with grimy little paws. I will NOT touch a magazine in a doctor's office--all I see is germs, plague, disease, gross.

    Love your quirk--perfectly logical and not weird AT ALL.

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  21. Let us not forget the benefits of the handy little bottles of hand steriliser gel! I'm never without mine and whip it out at all cafes and restaurants before eating! And do you know, girls, how many germs live on the average car steering wheel? Yuk! You wouldn't believe it!

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  22. I swear that no matter where I am, if I touch a magazine, I have to pee. Therefore, I bring my own book if I go to a doctor's office. Because I hate having to knock on that damn glass and ask to use a restroom. Because then they look at you like you're offending them and politely ask if you'll need a cup.

    *sigh* We're all a wee bit weird, aren't we? LOL

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  23. I hate to tell everyone this, but as someone who works in a bookstore with a huge magazine section, all of those magazines are pawed through! Yes, even the ones in the back. Everyone always takes the mags and books from the bottom or back of the stack--so the one on top is usually the one with the least amount of touching! And don't ever buy an entertainment magazine from a store--they are the most popular mags, and so many people have touched and read them before you. Get a subscription.

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  24. I thought the article as great, but then I got to the comments and laughed even harder. Who knew there were all these virgin magazine people out there?!

    Thank you for the nice compliment you gave me about taking an ordinary daily event and turning it into a blog story. But really, I bow to the queen. No one does it like you!!

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  25. I love the smell of a glossy magazine, or the smell of a new book. I could stand in a stationers for hours just smelling the paper.

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