Wednesday, July 6, 2011

DRATS!!!!!!!! I have been thwarted!

With 45 pounds off my frame, and no unwanted sugar messing with my already haphazard lump that I affectionately call my body, I have to admit that I have been going thru the last 5 months rather swimmingly.  With a decrease in inflammation and increase in energy and positivity, I have been almost a bit of joy to be around.  I can even admit to the fact that I kind of like myself, of course not love myself, but like is a first good step in mending a rather precarious relationship between an active and independent mind with a crazily stubborn and unhappy body.

It's been amazing not being at odds with the mechanics of myself, and while I can't run a marathon (yet), I have been doing stuff and feeling more joyful than I have in years. And while there has been the odd setback here and there, for the most part, after a day of rest I feel exuberant again.

And just as I thought I was on the uphill battle reaching my goal of all encompassing happiness, or at the very least being painfree,  "it" came crashing down... "It" being the operative word for this pain in my ass autoimmune disease. I suppose I am having some difficulties coming to terms with the ridiculous nature of the autoimmune disease.  I never seem to have a prewarning and there is no precursor to when it will strike.  Such was this past weekend.

I had driven an hour north to one of my favourite home decor stores in an effort to perhaps redecorate my place.  I often do that every few years, it's the designer in me and I love change, well at least in my home.  Putting a new spin on my digs makes me feel alive and adding new bursts of colour gets my mojo all revved up.

So in my heyday of grabbing this candle holder here, and that pillow there, followed by this vase and that vase, and running from aisle to aisle like a kid in a candy store, I neglected to pay attention to some swelling I was feeling in my ankle and knee.  It seemed minor in nature and I wasn't concerned about it as to me it just represented a leftover from a breakage from three years ago.

But, as I was rounding the corner with my arms full of my new glorious finds, I experienced a sharp pain in the back of my knee that took my breath away, and without any warning, my knee locked and gave out, and down I went like the big bag of Russets potatoes that I am.  *THUMP*.  To my shock, and to everyone else's amazement, I realized that instead of saving myself, I saved my new found objects d'art.  There I laid  crumpled on the ground whilst still holding tightly to myself all the beautiful things I had hunted for over the last hour.  With a big sigh of relief, I checked to make sure nothing was broken (not me people, the home accessories!), and smiled when I realized that everything was intact (except myself).  Oh come on, it was all mercury glass from India, bowls from Spain and vases from Italy.  Sheesh, a girl has to have her priorities in place!

As I stood up and dusted myself off, I wandered quickly over to the check out, paid for my purchases and bolted before the whispering of "did you see that girl take out aisle number 5.  Yea I did, there's still a big butt print in the floor to prove it!"

Things haven't gotten much better over the last 5 days, as it locked again and I succumbed to a big *THUD* while watering my plants outside the other day (I am still apologizing to my poor plant that has my body print in it), not too mention the rather large *CRASH* as I fell into the linen closet last night whilst I was vacuuming, or the fact that while I sit here and type for a living, my whole leg has that dreaded pins and needles feeling.  In any event, the fact remains that while my mind may be yelling "DRATS! I have been thwarted!", my body is saying "hold on, give me a break, I am just trying to catch up to you."

And you know what, it's okay, because my body is teaching me patience, but mostly, it's reminding and re-enforcing in me that old adage "good things come to those who wait.."  So I am waiting for you body, you take your time to heal, you have already come a long way in 5 months, and I am so proud of you and I can't wait to see where you take me in the next year but for gawd sakes, next time you lock up and take me down, can we do it when my arms and hands are empty!  Sheesh!

Until Next Time.



  1. Good attitude Tracy! Keep loving that beautiful body of your and it'll learn to love you back :)

    Congrats on your success!!


  2. This is my fear. My knee (both of which are horrible) has a tendency to go out when I'm walking (hobbling) in the store. I'm afraid I'm going down one day and it won't be pretty. If you find out more of what caused the knee thing let me know please. I've got a list as long as my arm of physical disabilities I have and yet disability tells me I'm not disabled. Hearing is coming up soon. I can't take much more of waiting and no money and PAIN.

  3. Next time you need a cart. Something to put your stuff in AND something to keep you upright.
    Take care!

  4. You will be running a marathon in the future, Milady! My little whiney bitches to myself need to be checked. I am just out of shape and overweight; you, my dear, have something to deal with day in and day out. I will cease complaining.

  5. Keep up the good attitude and good things will come.

  6. @ Kelly... thanks darlin!
    @ OT... I sure hope so!
    @ Ruth... must remember cart next time! lol
    @ Sue... oh please girl, I have seen you in your pics there is no fat on you sweetcheeks!!!
    @ Barb... if I figure it out, I will definitely let you know and I hope that you are successful in your hearing.. We are constantly suing insurance companies at work due to their refusal to pay for disabilities, it's such a schmozle!

  7. Very exciting news! Congratulations on the weight loss! And I'm happy that you are feeling better all around. Keep that chin up! :)

  8. i'm surprised you didn't have a cart just so you could get more loot up to the register in one trip.
    i hope your stupid knees will stop dropping you like you're hot. rude!

  9. 1. Congrats on the weight loss! That's awesome!
    2. I agree, falling in a store is beyond mortification. Been there.
    3. I know it was mentioned already, but carts hold things better than arms. lol

    Here's to hoping the pain takes a hike soon!

  10. See,....I think you should be given a warning. That's the worst part. At least you saved the teasures. Maybe you need a little moderation, though it sounds like you have been doing well. God Bless! (Is it bad that I am still laughing about your fall? - I am talking about the one into the linen closet!)

  11. I'm sure your body appreciates your patience and is doing its best to catch up as fast as it can.
    I wish you high spirits and courage to help it even more. Keep up the good attitude :)

  12. Poor plant, but at least is cushioned your fall.
    And good job not breaking anything, yourself or your purchases

    Loved this post Miss Tracy
    So proud of your achievements and attitude

  13. You are my hero, Tracy. Despite your body attempting to thwart you, you still are making brilliant progress on changing your lifestyle. Don't worry about this little snag, you are still kiciking ass.

    Massive kudos to you, darlin'.~

  14. Awwww... thank you darlins.. you all rock!

  15. Ditto on Beliza's comment. Don't let this setback take away your enjoyment of your success these last months. Hope you can focus on the longer periods of being pain free to sustain you during the recurrences. And isn't it nice to have such a cheering section in your comments?! Clearly a lot of people are in your corner to encourage you!

  16. well no one can say you aren't making your *mark* on life.
    But, seriously, that would suck to get a sudden unanounced pain like that and then go down faster then a thrown cowboy from a crazy bull ride.
    CONGRATS!!!! on the weight loss though. How COOL is that.
    and of course you had to protect your purchases, or they might have charged you for broken merchandise. You just as well go home with merchandise all in tact eh.

  17. Good girl Tracy. Keep smiling. xo

  18. Ah shit, that's tough. I have soft tissue injury from car accidents, and when it was fresh i was completely unable to exercise. Swimming is the best bet.. plenty of ways to modify it to protect injured parts! Hope you get more good days than bad!


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