Monday, August 15, 2011

Can I borrow your loaf of bread? I need to beat my better half!


Did I ever tell you how much I detest grocery shopping. Oh lord, it's like having teeth pulled for me (not that I have had any of my teeth pulled, nor have I ever had the need to have teeth pulled, in actuality, I have pretty spectacular teeth, no cavities, no fillings, no braces... Oh sorry off topic). Anywhoo, I really despise it.

I suppose if I was going to get to the crux of the matter, it has to do with my better half.  He loves grocery shopping, and in fact, he is one damn good shopper.  He is like my own personal walking coupon.  Sales, sales, sales... he can sniff them out like a drug dog at an Airport.  But along with his freakish ability to seek out and find outstanding sales, comes his habit of complete pokiness in the grocery store.

He wanders down every aisle and reads the price of every product and small things like picking out juices for his lunch can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 20 minutes for him.  He has to compare quantity, quality and price, and sometimes after 20 minutes, he will throw up his hands and say, “too much money, nothing is on sale!” and then move on. And all I can think of is Really, Seriously? It took you that long to come to that conclusion?  Well now that is 20 minutes of my life I will never get back!

The ironic part of this is that he is not frugal in any other part of our life, just at the grocery store.  He’ll put a product back on the shelf because it is five cents cheaper somewhere else, and while I can appreciate his thinking, it will ultimately cost us $2.00 in gas to get to the other grocery store just to save the five cents!  Unfortunately for me, grocery shopping has become nothing short of an excruciating torture-like experience.  It’s my own personal version of bamboo shoots being shoved up my nails, and I have to tell you that some days, it takes all my effort not to run down the aisle and tackle him and scream at the top of my lungs: “JUST PICK THE DAMN BOX OF GRANOLA BARS BEFORE I BEAT YOU WITH IT!”

Yup, grocery shopping just brings out the worst in me.  I often fantasize about knocking my better half into the shopping cart and strapping on some in-line skates and going down the aisles in record speed while knocking products here, there and everywhere right into my shopping cart and when I am done, the only thing you can see of my better half is his feet hanging out the end of the cart and some breathing movement underneath all the groceries.

And you know, shopping with him has become a two hour excursion at best, and while I try to wander down the aisle enjoying just being with him, I can’t shake this vision of us in 20 years from now where we both are hunched over, wearing depends, doing the old people shuffle and having to schedule a whole day just for grocery shopping.  Eeee Gads!

Pray for me tonight will ya! Our fridge has been empty for far too long and it is time for me to suck it up and get it done. But if you happen to see a girl in the aisle cramming broccoli up some guys nose, best you look away. It might be better for your safety!

Until Next Time. 
Tracy

24 comments:

  1. OMG can I relate to this one. I always said if I ever have a nervous breakdown it would be in the grocery store. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Thankfully, Bruce and I shop the same. See it, grab it and throw it in the cart. Or if I have to spend time looking at meat, he is off getting the regular stuff we need. We are loaded, unloaded, cashed out and bagged, unloaded in car and home within 45 minutes to an hour. Now that's how I like to shop. I feel your pain. Honest I do. Shopping that long would kill me. I'll send you a loaf of french bread to hit him with. Then you can heat it up and eat it to destroy the evidence.

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  2. and that is why I prefer to shop on my own.

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  3. i'm jealous of your good teeth.
    what is it with men & spending too much time in the grocery store? mine takes way too long too, so now i just send him by himself most of the time. i make the list & he brings home the bacon. oh wait, we don't eat bacon. how'd that get on the list?

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  4. My Dad does the grocery shopping because he LOVES it. Mom tells me he always comes back with more than she had on the list. What would take her 30 minutes tops, takes him close to that two hour mark. lol When I read this, all I could think about was my parents. lol

    BTW--I would LOVE to grocery shop your way--on skates, zooming through the aisle, knocking things off the shelf! Now that would make it fun!

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  5. At least you'll be wearing depends and won't have to worry about making it to the toilet while he is snailing down the aisles.

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  6. I make a list, shop the sales and coupon. I save between 30 and 60% which is REALLY good for New England.

    And then Almost Hubs comes (he loves to grocery shop) and my savings and "quick in and out" trip goes to hell.

    He's worse than going with the kids...

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  7. i wish i could like julianna's comment. because it's totally worse than shopping with kids! with them, you can boss them around or tell them to hurry or zip it. spouses don't appreciate that one bit.

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  8. I hate grocery shopping - with others in tow. Then I can't do it my way. It's not my favorite chore . . . in fact, I'm not sure I CAN think of a favorite chore . . . anyway . . . But if I'm going to the store, I'm going with a list. Luckily (I think), I'm single, so I don't get the urge to beat my better half with a loaf of bread. Just the other customers. lol

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  9. Oh dear, sounds like shopping with my Hubby...thankfully, he pretty much leaves it up to me to do anymore. He even does the comparing everything bit, too.

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  10. It is excruciating to go grocery shopping with The Peanut...especially when she wants to push the cart...she's 7, you'd think she'd learn how not to run over mom's heel!

    Why don't you just tell him there'll be a surprise waiting for him at home if he gets done in x amount of time?

    Kind of like how I say "No dessert if you keep acting up in the store, damnit!" (yes, it comes to that after about 15 minutes.

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  11. You know what I would prefer... a personal shopper for my groceries only! Any volunteers? Julianna perhaps! lol

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  12. Why don't you just let him shop while you go to the spa?

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  13. I hate shopping but my other half loves it! It's like a role reversal lol

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  14. Bud and I don't grocery shop together too much, but when we do, I find that he buys stuff I won't cause of the price. He just puts stuff in the cart. He does like a sale, though, and won't buy something if he things it's too expensive.

    I think I would not ever go to the grocery store with him if he puttered around like your sweetie. I would either stay home or sit in the car and read!

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  15. I was just passing through and popping on blogs that I've never been on before. So greetings folks from Lebanon county's Amish community. Richard

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  16. i prefer to dash and grab as opposed to shop...

    but i get it. i would be the same if i had to shop with my wife...she is like your BH...

    i know it is not good monetarily to go many times as opposed to once a week or so, but i get it in my head to have something and i go get it...

    or i eat gas station hot dogs...

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  17. Oh you would not want to get in line behind me at the grocery store! Im the crazy lady with tons of competitors ads and coupons! I save a ton of money though.

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  18. Oh, me, too! I will be digging around in the cupboards for stale crackers before caving in and going to the store! Fortunately I have the most perfect grocery not far from my house. Big enough to have everything I need, but small enough to park close to the door and run in fast for something. Never a long line and help out to your car. If they ever close I'm going to starve!

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  19. Laurie and I are much like Barb and Bruce on this one. Especially if we are smart enough to not be hungry when we go. Then you have to worry about me and the cheese samples...

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  20. Too funny!!! I also detest shopping, so when we find things at a good price we'll buy a CASE of them so we dont have to shop so often. Just a thought.
    'hugs from afar'

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  21. Hahaha! I DESPISE grocery shopping too! With 2 teens and their friends I must shop for food every other day! Some times I can barely push the cart! My son is into weight lifting and mixed-martial arts, so all he wants is chicken! I spend at least $50.00 a week on chicken alone! I guess since I buy mostly protein, veggies and fruit-I have to go constantly so the food is fresh. Oh yeah, I try to buy everything on sale-if possible. Yes, I hate the grocery store. :)
    -Lynn

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  22. I'm with you. To me, ANY kind of shopping is like one of the rings of hell from Dantes Inferno.
    Unless there's a sale on Doritos.

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  23. @Sherilin: I think it's because, since the dawn of time, men are biologically programmed to be hunter-gathers. This comes in especially handy when there's a mammoth stampede in the frozen foods section.

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  24. I could have written this post myself. I think your better half and mine might be related, because he does the FREAKISH SAME thing at the grocery store. By the time we're done, we've stopped at so many stores my head is spinning. Don't forget those depends now...lol

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