Saturday, August 13, 2011

Under the warmth of the cherry tree

Silently, I stood staring at the face of the woman in the mirror as I desperately searched into her eyes for a shred of who she once was. The vacant look staring back at me frightened me to my core and I noticed that she was devoid of all emotion.  She stood still and quiet as if to say "what more do you want of me". 

With a previous evening of pleading and praying for her body to heal, nothing was left but the defeated shell of her former self. Sadly, she could only reflect back a drawn, pale and exhausted look.  Her once youthful appearance was now etched with deep lines marking her with the tale of chronic pain.  With resignation and sadness, I turned away from the mirror, snapped off the light in the bathroom and hunkered down for the day realizing that today the pain had won and I had become a prisoner in my own home.

I shifted back and forth from seat to seat in an effort to find comfort. Covered in pain sprays and ice packs, I was to find no relief.  Later the zombie effect from the pain medication I would succumb to taking would eventually take hold of my mind and I would feel devoid of all personality.

In a final effort to find relief, I slowly and awkwardly dragged my favourite supportive lawn chair from the garage to outside and positioned it under the young cherry tree that I had planted three years ago.  With a soft creamy pashmina wrapped around my shoulders, I climbed into the chair and reclined back and watched as the speckled sun cast it's beautiful glow through the dancing shade of the cherry tree leaves that were silently casting their shadows upon my body.

I sighed within and closed my eyes tightly while allowing the sun to lightly reach out and caress my tired face.  A soft warm sweet breeze drifted about me carrying the heady scent of lavender from my front yard garden. The sweet wind gently created a lovely song of summer as it swept thru the leaves of the poplar trees across the street.

Bees buzzed happily around the garden and once and awhile would dive towards my face but would abruptly pull up in swift precision as if to show me their uncanny navigational skills.

In the distance, I could hear the lovely sounds of the neighbourhood children laughing and my chimes lyrically singing their sweet gentle song of summer.

With sunglasses on, I looked around to see that the colours of late summer were intensified dramatically.  

Above me, soft rolling clouds were slowly overtaking the sky and every once in awhile they would claim victory over the mid August afternoon sun.  They seemed to meld into each other creating new kaleidoscope images every few seconds or so and I realized that nature was providing me with it's own dramatic theatre and that all I needed to do was lay back and watch.

Down below my feet, my adorable pooch snored happily as he sprawled out to feel the heat of the earth.

With quiet resignation, I once again closed my eyes and listened to the gentle sounds of nature and asked that the powers that be please grant me my wish of a fulfilling life that was pain free.

With a heavy heart, I snuggled deeper into the softness of my pashmina and let the all encompassing heat of the afternoon sun envelop me in it's soft embrace until I fell silently asleep under the warmth of the cherry tree.

Until Next Time.



  1. Tracy, I hope this passes soon! I will not whine anymore about my legs hurting after a run. I will give you a piggy back ride when I do run, how's that?

    Take care


  2. I wish you would be pain free, Tracy.

  3. Your emotions were evoked in this piece beautifully! I hope your pain subsides and you can enjoy yourself again, soon!

  4. Such a beautiful and heart wrenching piece of writing. I am so sad that you are in such pain.
    Feel brighter soon lovely lady.
    Sending you love and hugs

  5. This was so beautiful. Living with daily pain myself it meant someone special to me. This is what I do at the beach. It's painful to get there but once I'm seated, I close my eyes and feel the sun and salt air on my face and I just breathe slowly. It's truly medicine for the soul. Hugs and here's to us both being pain free some day.

  6. What a beautifully written piece!
    The best I can do is....
    "Silently, I stood staring at the face of the man in the mirror as I desperately searched into his eyes for a shred of who he once was. Then, I said, 'Geez, how 'bout zippin' up your drawers, old man?'"

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