Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Did I ever tell you how much I detest grocery shopping. Oh lord, it's like having teeth pulled for me (not that I have had any of my teeth pulled, nor have I ever had the need to have teeth pulled, in actuality, I have pretty spectacular teeth, no cavities, no fillings, no braces... Oh sorry off topic). Anywhoo, I really despise it.

I suppose if I was going to get to the crux of the matter, it has to do with my better half.  He loves grocery shopping, and in fact, he is one damn good shopper.  He is like my own personal walking coupon.  Sales, sales, sales... he can sniff them out like a drug dog at an Airport.  But along with his freakish ability to seek out and find outstanding sales, comes his habit of complete pokiness in the grocery store.

He wanders down every aisle and reads the price of every product and small things like picking out juices for his lunch can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 20 minutes for him.  He has to compare quantity, quality and price, and sometimes after 20 minutes, he will throw up his hands and say, “too much money, nothing is on sale!” and then move on. And all I can think of is Really, Seriously? It took you that long to come to that conclusion?  Well now that is 20 minutes of my life I will never get back!

The ironic part of this is that he is not frugal in any other part of our life, just at the grocery store.  He’ll put a product back on the shelf because it is five cents cheaper somewhere else, and while I can appreciate his thinking, it will ultimately cost us $2.00 in gas to get to the other grocery store just to save the five cents!  Unfortunately for me, grocery shopping has become nothing short of an excruciating torture-like experience.  It’s my own personal version of bamboo shoots being shoved up my nails, and I have to tell you that some days, it takes all my effort not to run down the aisle and tackle him and scream at the top of my lungs: “JUST PICK THE DAMN BOX OF GRANOLA BARS BEFORE I BEAT YOU WITH IT!”

Yup, grocery shopping just brings out the worst in me.  I often fantasize about knocking my better half into the shopping cart and strapping on some in-line skates and going down the aisles in record speed while knocking products here, there and everywhere right into my shopping cart and when I am done, the only thing you can see of my better half is his feet hanging out the end of the cart and some breathing movement underneath all the groceries.

And you know, shopping with him has become a two hour excursion at best, and while I try to wander down the aisle enjoying just being with him, I can’t shake this vision of us in 20 years from now where we both are hunched over, wearing depends, doing the old people shuffle and having to schedule a whole day just for grocery shopping.  Eeee Gads!

Feel for me tonight as tonight is the painful night. Our fridge has been empty for far too long and it is time for me to suck it up and get it done. But if you happen to see a girl in the aisle cramming broccoli up some guys nose, best you look away. It might be better for your safety!

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches.


  1. LOL. I have a friend who also hates grocery shopping. I don't think she hates it quite as much as you, but she definitely hates it. Good on you for putting it into words. I just got home from the produce part of my grocery shop (at the market) and well frankly..I'd rather someone else brought the stuff home for me. I don't mind shopping for's the carrying it down the driveway, and up the stairs and then up the other flight of stairs and then into the house. Yah. I can definitely do without that part.

  2. I am giggling...I don't like to shop either. I try to have a plan - list, coupons, going to the closest and cheapest store, but that all falls to pieces when my hubby turns off the motor and climbs out to go into the store with me. My total is exactly 3x what I expected to spend, and I have no clue what we've bought till we get home. Good luck with your shopping!
    You have a fantastic way of telling a story, and I'm sorry I was giggling at your misery.

  3. I too dreaded grocery shopping for one simple reason, and that's I have to do it all over again the next few days! It took so long to buy, and then the house is empty again..

  4. Well, my husband is slow but not as slow as your guy! I usually let him go alone. I give him a list and he does his thing. Always bringing home more that was on the list :)

  5. I LOVE THIS!!! I laughed all the way thru it because my husband is the same! I can not tell you how many battles we have had in a supermarket. I refuse to go with him...unless a dire emergency and even then I have to say at least 100 paces behind or about dilly dally!!!

  6. Have to ask, have you met Megan @ 1 Funky Woman?
    You have a similar take on life..always with humor which in my books is the best way... read here, 101 ways to annoy people written by Megan

  7. I found you through Jeanne above and I am laughing hysterically. I'm not a big fan of grocery shopping because I am not a big fan of cooking, I loathe it. I would rather clean a toilet then cook! Not too appetizing I know. I like the visual of you beating him with the box of granola bars and throwing him in the cart and whipping through the aisles. I can't wait to read more from you what a joy.

    Stop on over to my blog and think we have the same humor about things!



  8. Laughed my fool head off... The whole way through! I used to like grocery shopping, just me and my cart, wandering through isles - backtracking when I forgot things because my list was never organized (if I didn't leave it on the passenger seat)... listening to 'Musak'... losing track of time. Perhaps it was none of that... just the absence of anyone calling "Mommm... Can I...? Why not?! That's STUPID!!... etc." Or maybe it was that as long as I was out of the house buying food, I wasn't home cooking it. Who knows. NOW though... a chronic pain condition had ruined my fun... BUT... I have discovered the joy of M&M... One 'isle'... Just lean on the counter and point. Even scarf down a few brownie samples with your free arm while you lean on the other. And the food is actually really awesome - practically cooks itself. Still the fresh produce - and granola bars (I will always laugh when I think of them now) - to buy elsewhere. But maybe it could cut down on the number of items that must be agonizingly compared at the 'real' grocery store?

    Thanks for another GREAT LAUGH girl!

  9. omgosh - lol. I would so rather spend the extra money than take more trips to the store!

    oh and good on you for great teeth - I'm cavity free too!! :)

  10. Hubby and I gave up shopping together because it was torture for both of us. He was the organized one and I liked looking around to see what I might like. (Not pricing stuff, though...I'm totally for BUY IT NOW if I want it.) Anyway, after about 15 years of shopping alone (usually him, since he's the cook) we finally are able to shop together again, with only an occasional grr.

  11. OMG!! I think I'm married to your husbands twin brother and I must be your long lost twin sister!!! You just described my shopping experience with my husband to a T. 2 funny!! Thanks for sharing!

  12. That's completely opposite if my taking Hubby shopping. I end up spending a lot of extra money--I don't begrudge him the items, since he works hard for the money, but it's stuff we can live without, an 'ignorance is bliss' thing.
    You have my sympathies!


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