Lately, I have been feeling the winds of change upon me in so many aspects of my life. And while I embrace what is coming, I am fearing it ever so slightly at the same time.
What are these changes, I cannot tell you, but that sixth sense has kicked in and my hair has been standing up on the back of my neck for several weeks. For years I use to go against the grain. Always doing it the hard way. Known as the good girl, the fact of the matter is that I was a rebel in my own way. Tell me I couldn't do it and I would, tell me that it's wasn't for me and I would make it so, tell me I was not the right person and I would prove you wrong but I have grown older, slightly wiser and much more tired and my fight is fizzling out and I feel like coasting on the waves as oppose to fighting against the current. And I think to myself: is that so wrong?
Too many things are piling up around me from an enormous workload, to an obnoxious neighbour who does what he can to push the limits, to an injured body that will not heal, to a soul on overload and a heart that has grown too heavy in my chest.
I wonder often to myself if everyone comes to that point in life where they wish they could go and live on a small island only inhabited by themselves because I am at that point now.
I don't know how to break free from the chains of responsibility. I have hacked at them, tried to pick the lock on them, greased up my limbs and tried to slip out of them and yet they hang on me like a bad pair of fishnet nylons.
I just want to run. Run hard and fast with an unknown destination, and where I land, I want there to be a fully furnished cottage with my style, a thriving English Garden with a ripped, italian gardner named Marcello who can crack open my drink with his six pack, a plane ready to go whenever I want to zoom to another destination and millions of dollars at my disposal, while all the time retaining my better half, my pooch and my best friend known as my mother. Too much too ask for? I suppose. But at this point in my life I think I am worth it.
I have already embraced two changes in the last 24 hours, one my hair and two my blog design. Small, but I knew that they had to be done and I just went with it.
I guess I am looking for transformation without the work.
I know what you are thinking because I am thinking it too, nothing worth having comes easy, but sometimes........ I wish it did.
Until Next Time.