Sunday, July 11, 2010

THE HEAT PUMP KEEPS ME COOL BABY (but it gives me boogers too!)

Five years ago when my better half and I were building our little home during the summer, we had the fortunate and unfortunate experience of living in an apartment owned by a family member.  The apartment was clean, bright and large enough that we could store everything there and came with the monthly price tag of zero and we were certainly blessed and thankful that we could live there for free.  The unfortunate problem was that it sat on a tarmac parking lot and received the all day sun, and by the time I came home, the place was so sweltering that you nearly passed out the moment you walked thru that door.  There was no relief and I spent the next four months living in a perpetual state of a hot flash.  From my hair, to my toes, to the back of my knees, to between my breasts, to the base of my lower back all I felt was a constant trickle of sweat.  It was my own free version of a sauna!

So when it came to putting in our heating system, well you only had to say two words to me:  HEAT PUMP! Keeping our home warm in the winter and so wonderfully cool in the summer, not once in the five years have I regretted the installation, or the price.  

But along with its blessings, comes it's problems when it comes to the cleanliness of my house and the cleanliness of my nostrils.  At the time of building our house, I had gone out and purchased every piece of furniture in one shade or another in the colour of espresso.  Of course, the style at the time.  Deep rich chocolate, surrounded by varying shades of tan, linen and moss green.  Still beautiful in style now but oh so wrong for the heat pump.

The heat pump, especially in a new subdivision with ongoing construction, has spewed more dust around my home then Carter's have got pills!  Compound upon the problem that the chocolate styled furniture shows every freaking spec of dust and well I have written more messages on my coffee table with my fingers than I did as a kid on the sand!  Dust dust dust... I have come to hate dusting.  I can dust and the heat pump kicks in and woooosssshhhh my coffee table is covered again, and not just my coffee table, my side table, my bistro table, my leather dining room chairs, my bar stools and my entire bedroom set... Eeeee freaking gads people!  I have become Molly Maid without the pay!  And please don't tell me about filters, we have a stage 5 filter that we clean once a month and it does not make a bit of difference!

This year my house went up for sale for three months, we pulled it off the market before the summer as I am in love with my heat pump that much that I was willing to not sell my house to stay in air conditioning for the summer.  But during the for sale stage, I literally had to dust every day.  I think I sucked back so much Pledge that if they did a cat scan of my brain, the only abnormality would be how shiny my brain looks!  But, I have to tell you that when we pulled the house off, I went on strike for one whole month from dusting.  I am afraid to say that I pressed my face on the coffee table today (why my face, don't ask, I'm just weird) and made a permanent dust impression. I'm calling it "dust art".

If that's not bad enough, you might as well bestow upon me and my better half with the lovely name of Mr. and Mrs. Booger.  It seems our noses have become filters to what is being spewed out by our lovely heat pump. Our noses have unfortunately been in a permanent state of snotville for 5 long years.  I pretty much walk around with kleenexes stuffed up my nostrils.  I am afraid if I pull them out, 5 pound balls of lint and dust will just drop out at alarming speed.  In short, it's embarrassing! I am constantly checking my nostrils in fear that I will be talking to someone as the next nose lint ball drops down to an area that can be seen by the naked eye.  I don't want to be remembered as the girl who went out for lunch and had a visible booger in her nose!  You know what I am talking about.  No matter how much you like that person, if you see a booger in their nose, you remember that forever!

I suppose that I shouldn't complain that much as this past week was smoking hot and I felt incredibly fortunate to go home to a cool, delightful home with a very happy pooch who wasn't locked into a hot house all day while I was at work.

The fact of the matter remains that while I remain the human equivalent of a Swifter Duster and my nostrils house enough lint to build a bird's nest, I am still happy with my choice of the heat pump.  And I would happily recommend it to anyone else interested in one, just remember to stock your house with bottles of Pledge and boxes of kleenex and you will do just fine.

In the meantime, I am off to hose out my nostrils.  I saw a bird circling around my nose earlier looking for a new home and I had to scoot it away, especially when it brought it's family. 

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches


  1. You so make me laugh! I love your blogs! Keep it up the good writing!

  2. I read this on my iphone as I was waking up this morning. Kids must have wondered what Mom was laughing about in the bedroom...hubby had left for work!!

    I never knew that about heat pumps and now I do!!
    Great one :)



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