Thursday, October 21, 2010

THURSDAY TOOTS: And the War of the Wedgies

I often think of myself as a ninja, a klutzy one that often falls and breaks bones and bonks her head a few times and is most certainly lacking stealth like precision, but a ninja when it comes to the art of wedgies.

Oh yes, my better half and I have engaged in sneak attack wedge-a-fying for seven long years.  Being that he’s a tall man, and I am a short chickalet, wedgies became my maneuver of choice and began out of my frustration of never being able to get the upper hand on a momentary play fight.  You see, my better half needs to only stick out his long annoying arm and secure his bony hand to my forehead, and well let’s just say that reaching him with my short appendages is next too impossible. And as I flail my arms here and there, it causes me much humiliation while he mockingly laughs at my inability to get at him.

Not one for backing down after being bested, I developed my ninja wedgie strategy early on in our relationship.  Ah yes, in the beginning  when he least expected it, I would get behind him, grab the back of his underwear and hike it up as hard as my short little arms could go and watch him stand up on his tip toes screaming like the little girl I knew he was.  Oh the pure joy of one upping him was beyond pleasurable, in fact I would say I was euphoric with my new found ability.

Unfortunately many years later, and perhaps one too many sneak attacks, and he’s onto me. With the knowledge he has gained over the years of reading my face and movements, he has developed his own keen sixth sense of when a secret wedgie attack is about to happen.  In one quick deft movement, we often find ourselves in an embrace, with my hands around his waist pulling his underwear up, and his hands around my waist pulling my underwear up with both of us yelling:

“Say uncle.”

“No you say uncle.”

“You say uncle first!”


“Let go for gawd sakes!”

“No you let go!”. 

This impasse can go on for a very long period of time while we both teeter on the tips of our toes and our lovely dulcet tones become banshee-like shrills.  Neither one of us willing to let go due to our genetically imprinted stubborn streaks, we often stay in that position until we ultimately hear “rrrrrrrrrrrriiiipppp”.

Oh yes it is true my friends, between the two of us, we have bought so many pairs of replacement underwear that we should own full shares in Fruit of the Looms and Hanes.

I suppose I won’t stop these sneak attacks until I have reach my ultimate goal of an atomic wedgie status.  You know, when you pull the underwear up so high that you can stick it over the victim’s head.  The fact that he is a foot taller than me is not deterring me at all from my goal!  One day that man is going to be 80 years old and not so spry in his movements, and when that day comes, I will have my atomic wedgie revenge.  It won’t be that difficult, I’ll just trip him with my cane, grab the back of his undies and yank them to the moon!  Let’s just hope the Depends are as stretchy as his Fruit of the Looms.

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches


  1. I must admit I've never given Bud a wedgie; nor would he ever do that to me. He is way stronger than I am, and doesn't even break a sweat when we tussle. I have found my secret go to place to win, tho--his armpits. Can't stand to have my hand stuck into his armpit! Also, I'm a biter, so I will automatically lunge for an arm or hand, teeth bared. That was developed from years of knock 'em down fights with my brothers and sisters. And it still works!

  2. wow, you're much nicer than me! when we get involved in a play fight, if i sense that i'm well & truly losing, i'll bare my fangs & take a chomp out of his manly skin!
    by the way, my word verification here today is "pubhoe". just thought i'd let ya know that your blog's talking about skanks behind your back!

  3. Biters....Wow! I'm more a "titty twister", but tickling him just below his neck on his chest works too.
    I predict this Thursday Toots (first I spelled it Thurshday, and I promise, I am not drinking) is going to be much bigger than all of us before too long....

  4. Too funny. Maybe I'll invest in Fruit of the Loom, too, now that I have insider information!

  5. I am in an airport and this blog made me snort out loud. a few times. keep up the good work, sister. Keep rockin' my socks.


  6. My canines (teeth that is) come out often too when we 'exercise'. My hubby made the bad mistake of teaching me how to throw a good punch, so now I do a 'machine gun' style preempting attack...Wow, the things you learn from these blogs....keep wedging girl!!

  7. Girl you are so freaking funny! Thanks for the laughs!

  8. OH MY GOD! LOL...I can't imagine! LOl

  9. Ok, you left a comment on my blog and I couldn't respond back for some reason, so I came to check out your blog. AND I LOVE IT. I am your newest follower and couldn't be more excited. :)

  10. ;~) I tickle. He is the most ticklish person I have ever met in my life! You barely have to touch him and he squirms like a greased pig! (not that I've ever indulged in greased pig contests... I just imagine that's how it is) I have learned to be really careful though. He is verrrry strong and in fact doesn't quite know his own strength. Especially when being attacked. He jammed my thumb which required a trip to urgent care one time. Now try and explain that one to the doctor... "No doctor, He does not abuse me."

    You are a hoot my friend! I love coming here every day and getting me my Tracy fix! Keep on bloggin' girl and I'll keep on smilin'!!


  11. Oh gosh, you have me rolling! We do stuff like this to each other all the time, my son says we are 'freaks'. Yeah, but we have a good time!

  12. Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a lovely comment.

    Your post today certainly made me laugh!

    Have a wonderful weekend.

  13. LMAO @ "attomic wedgie"!!!

    By then, don't their underwear come up to their boobs? Should be much easier! ;)

  14. LOL...I can't talk I am laughing so hard!


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