Tuesday, October 5, 2010

NOT DIGGING THE DO!

Yup today was the day that I seriously considered shaving my head.  You know I often wonder how my hair would grow in if I did so.  Albeit, it would be devoid of all colour (as I don’t consider grey a colour when it comes to hair) and possibly none too attractive either. I must admit that as it stands today, shaving it seemed to be the appropriate action.  However, as I say this, and as you know, I have the head of all heads when it comes to size. And quite possibly, once that lily white pumpkin is exposed, birds would probably swoop at it in the attempt to use it as a run way, or worse yet, their own personal target for their little bowel excrements.  Yikes!

Ah yes, the joys of cowlicks where your bangs should be has been an issue for me for many years.  But today, took the cake.  After what seemed like an eternity, approximately 30 minutes, of adding mousse, blow drying and straightening the crap out of just my bangs only, I walked not a mere 5 feet before those dang things started curling up again.  Of course, having my bag of arsenals, I pulled out my weapon of choice: my super duper, long lasting, crazy glue substance-like hairspray from hell.  Ah yes, I was going to schlack that puppy down, and by the time I was finished my assault upon my head, I was coughing up a lung, I had lost a few thousand brain cells, created a small hole in the ozone layer and invented my own personal fly catcher strip, formerly known as my bangs.

As my day progressed, I started to feel the weight of my bangs upon my head causing this pressure and annoyance, so much so, I almost took the scissors and cut them right off then and there!  And then it dawned on me, in my quest to make my bangs submit to my will, the hairspray was so thick that I had unintentionally added five pounds to my bangs.  Good grief!!!!

And as I went for a walk on my lunch hour, a great gust of wind swooped up my one clump of bangs and dropped it like a sack of potatoes on my chia pet of a head. *Wham* *Bam* I was almost knocked senseless from the weight of my own bangs!  Not too mention, that several teenage girls walked by and giggled followed by one of them mimicking my bangs by lifting her hand up and slapping her forehead.

And then as I stood in my office kitchen with a potato peeler close to my bangs (because for some reason I could not locate my scissors), it became crystal clear. I have become one of those women *sigh*.  You know the ones I am talking about, caught in a hair era.  Ugghhh! Yes, when teenage girls walk past you giggling, it’s time for change.  And if I don’t move quick, well let’s just say that pretty soon I will be donning polyester pants and good “sensible” walking shoes.  Why even wait another 30 years, perhaps I should just cut it short, start perming it and colouring it blue now.  I see my future people and its not pretty.  It’s a short stubby blue haired woman wearing velour... Oh lord, just shoot me now!

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches

9 comments:

  1. i've so been there & let me tell you, it's NOT pretty! i wrote a blog post about hair recently (actually, it turned into a three part mini series because i've had so very many hairy mishaps). if you go to the end of this post, my own short permed hair appear when i was at the ripe old age of 18. eek!
    http://laughingmyabsoff.blogspot.com/2010/09/hair-bonanza.html
    and btw, if you click the link to the second part, i also shaved my head. double eek!

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  2. Change can be good. Of course, my hair is almost exactly the same as it was when I was 16. Only differences are that it is more out of control and is changing colors on its own. Thankfully, I didn't get too caught up in the 80's hair!

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  3. Ah yes. I still try to make my hair bigger (leftover from the 80's) although what it really wants is to cling as closely and flatly to my head as possible. And be very straight while doing it....except for those 3 cowlicks!
    I mean, really, if you think about it, why do we have to spend so much effort on something that is dead, anyway?
    I once had so much hairspray in my hair (20 years ago) that all morning I felt something occasionally buzzing in my hair. Later that day I caught a glimpse of something with a metallic sheen in my hair....a Japanese beetle had flown into my hair and become entrapped in the architecture of hair stiffened with powerful hairspray. I was horrified and released it from where it had been imprisoned....for hours!

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  4. After years of perms, I finally went very short and straight. It's mostly colorles (grey in your vocablulary) and I just shampoo and blow it dry. Easy peasy. Don't know why I fussed for so long! Change is good.

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  5. The one thing I am grateful for is the curly, enough volumy but not too frizzy hair genes my folks handed down. To this day I have never gone straight...haired that is....I say, if it's curly, wavy or in between, help it along to be all that it can be....:)

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  6. Dippity Do hair gel always worked with me. Wow!!!Writer's block for an entire day, must have been extremely difficult. You write so many posts, it's an incredible acheivement that you have come up with so many different ideas.

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  7. You've definitely still got it girl! I laughed out loud all the way through! Especially when you said that your bangs had "slapped you" in the forehead! Priceless!

    I think that when we reach a certain age (40 of course!) we deserve to go to the finest salon we know of, and get a complete makeover. I mean the whole shootin' match. Hair, nails, makeup (if you wear any) The works!

    Put those cow-licked and shelacked bangs in the capable hands of a pro and let them guide you as to where to go with them. What can it hurt? You deserve a salon day, right? Just let me know and I'll pack up my robe and pedicure slippers!

    Peace,
    Martha

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  8. Hilarious!I love how you describe schlacking them down!
    I can't handle having bangs. I haven't had them since middle school.
    Next year I really am going to buzz my head just for the fun of it...because I never have. Hee hee.

    Jess

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