Tuesday, January 25, 2011

TIED UP IN KNOTS

I have a knotted butt cheek.  My right cheek to be exact.  And I have to say, it is driving me bonkers.  Now, I am no stranger to knots or aches or pains.  When you live with fibromyalgia, connective tissue disease and osteoarthritis, you are well versed on the subject of pain.

But I have to say, I am completely uncomfortable.  I sit all day at my job and I am wiggling around like a squirmy two year old who has to go pee.

It’s been four longs days with this goofy affliction. Last night in an attempt to get some relief, I laid on the floor with a tennis ball stuck under my buttocks.  Me and my butt rolled around on that tennis ball for a good half hour trying to release some trigger points, or any trigger point.  This was no easy feat as my pooch thought that I was playing some type of game with him and kept digging at my ass to try and retrieve the ball.  Needless to say, he won and I have the paw prints to prove it!

Later, I asked my better half to kindly take his elbow to my butt cheek in attempt to work out the dastardly knot.  And you know, you soon discover that a man really does loves you when he takes an elbow to your butt and he doesn’t considered it foreplay.  Unfortunately, the elbowing didn’t last long because, well ummm... I had eaten a bean salad for lunch and him pressing on my butt may have triggered something.  I won’t say the dreaded “f” word that so many of my followers now detest.  I will just repeat what my better half had to say: “Oh gawd gross!  Again?  What did you eat woman? Where the hell is the Fabreeze? You should have come with a warning label!”  Yes, perhaps I should have.  And then he left me lying there and went and lit a scented candle.

The rest of night kind of went like this: sit on couch and change positions every minute or so, soak in a bath tub until my body looked like shrink wrap, lay on the floor with ice pack and fight off the slobbery tongue of an adorable pooch, go to bed and sleep on heating pad until my rump roast was thoroughly cooked!

Oh yes, it’s so much fun to be me!  Now aren’t you jealous?

Until Next Time.
Smooches

30 comments:

  1. Bean salad for lunch? That's not bad. Because, as everyone knows, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat 'em, the more you f......ohhhh, I get it.
    That being said (and I don't much ask this too much-outside of prison), how's your butt now?

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  2. poor tracy's booty. did the group hug earlier help?

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  3. Well Al.. my butt is exactly the same and Sherilin the group hug was AWESOME! :)

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  4. Awwwww :(
    I hate when a body part falls asleep(which isnt the same thing but still)
    At least you have a fond laugh from it?

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  5. I feel your pain. I get this in my neck occasionally and it seriously drives me nuts!

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  6. I do hope you are better today! Nothing worse than a nagging pain like that..especially a pain in the arse...can't walk along rubbing that!

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  7. what's a little flatulence between friends?

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  8. Oh my God! You crack me up --get it--crack?! Anyway, I have had that damn butt cheek charlie horse before. It's really annoying. I like the tennis ball idea--that should have done the trick. Otherwise, I say, drink a shot of whiskey until you can't feel your butt anymore.

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  9. Sounds like my husband, whenever he you know what, I always scream for the fabreeze!

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  10. I will never be offended by the "f" word. I'm glad your better half can partake in that kind of assistance with out think nookie is next, my better half would just say that nookie would help whatever troubles me.

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  11. I hear rolling pins work well to knead it out the lumps...oh wait, that's for bread dough... never mind, go with the whiskey!

    http://zpnotesfromunderground.blogspot.com/

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  12. Thank you for letting us in on what your hubby will do for you!

    When my c section went terribly wrong (incision opened up for all my innerds to be literally falling out of me) before heading the hospital hubby took a look.

    He said after serving in Afghanistan (which apparently is quite the stench filled hell haven) that he'd gladly go back and smell it some more in comparison to the infection smell oozing out of me!

    So my dear if you have to release some bean salad amongst your pain, go right ahead!

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

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  13. The tennis ball thing is good. I have very ummm tight buttox as well. They always hurt! My left one is actually the problem. You can also buy one of those foam rolls and lay on it and rub it up and down. Or a really good stretch for your hip/but is to put your leg up on the counter bent at the knee (same position as when you put one leg on one knee and bend down to stretch) and lean over it. Alternatively you can sit on the floor near a bed or coach (not too high) bend your leg the same way as described above. If you can understand my terrible description here, you should try it. You will get a great stretch!

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  14. A butt knot. Whoa. I have never heard those two words used together before. That's brutal.

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  15. Sorry about your butt knot but your story gave me a good laugh! Have you ever thought of quitting your day job and getting into stand-up comedy!

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  16. LMAO Oh girl, I'm sorry to hear about the butt knot, but damn. Your poor husband's nose took the brunt of your bean salad. Poor guy. LMAO

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  17. I AM jealous! Your husband rubbed your butt and your dog licked you all over.

    (Hope you feel better)

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  18. was it the yoga that put the knot in your butt?
    And I cant believe anybody would complain about your fart stories.

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  19. The more I read your posts, the more I wonder if you and I were seperated at birth. I doubt my significant other would dare give me (or the dog- just sayin') a butt rub.

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  20. Too funny. Sounds like your significant other has a good sense of humor at least!

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  21. Butt knots usually have to do with the sciatic nerve... I get it a LOT, usually from running. The elbow to the butt is usually the sure-fire way to get rid of it, probably best if you don't fire stuff at the masseuse though.

    Was it a bare-ass blast, or was there some cotton in between the victim and the dreadful expulsion of toxic waste?

    For the record, my wife's farts smell like roses, candy and nothing.

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  22. sounds painful - maybe trying the tennis ball thing on the wall would keep the pooch away? You know, ball between the wall and your booty... rub it up and down... oh la la ;)

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  23. Whew! Glad we got THAT out of the way! By the way, I've also heard that beans are a magical fruit.

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  24. lol very funny, your dog sounds a bit like my two dogs, any excuse for a game. And never forget, your other half must really love you putting up with bean salad after digestion! EEEWWWW! lol


    http://lyndylou-whocares.blogspot.com

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  25. I am always amazed how you can take real life, including real pain, and make it so funny. No wonder your husband is willing to do all sorts of things for you! He's a lucky guy!

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  26. ps--The verification letters I just had to type for the last comment were jowetoid. I think that might be a name for the cramp in your behind!

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  27. It's not easy being a pain in the ass ~ oops ... I meant having a pain in the ... If I asked my guy to take his elbow to my butt cheek I guarantee he would think that was the sexiest thing he heard come out of my mouth in ages and it definately would rate up there with foreplay! You're a riot!

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  28. i can really feel your pain. Its better to have some pain killers until the pain doesn't subsides.

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