Friday, April 30, 2010


I recently purchased and received this beautiful pendant made in Kathmandu, Nepal.  Oh its so gorgeous, at least to me anyways.  It’s this lovely piece of turquoise that has a carving of a Lotus flower on it.  To me, its ironic that I received this piece one day before receiving bad news from my doctor. The Lotus flower, you see, is sacred for its spiritual meanings.  What most people do not know is that the Lotus flower grows below muddy waters and rises through the murk to the above surface to bloom with remarkable beauty.  At night, it closes and sinks underwater only to rise again and open at dawn.  The thought of something so beautiful arising from something so ugly, gives me hope.  Spiritually, the Lotus flower represents long life, good health and good luck...  All of which I seem to need at this point in my life. 

You see, yesterday was a hard day, one that I wish I could rewind and not repeat.  It wasn’t so much the diagnoses I received from the doctor, it was more the lack of remedy I received.  My doctor used phrases like: “we have to figure out how to make you more comfortable for the rest of your life” and “it seems to be several diseases overlapping each other and could take years to figure out the best course of treatment for you” and “I have never seen test results this abnormal”. I walked out of the office really not knowing where to go to from that point. It’s funny how your day begins, beautiful and sunny and with so much promise.  I must admit I was definitely looking forward to taking the day off and spending it with my better half and our pooch in my favourite City, but as I walked out of the office in a bit of daze, I spent the better part of my afternoon in deep thought, and sadly, I missed the moments I should have cherished.

I once read a quote by Anais Nin that said: “ Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” I do not wish to remain in this state, but I have however given myself permission to have four complete days of self-deprecating pity time.  But only four days because I really do believe in that saying: it’s okay to visit pity city but don’t take up residency.  And I won’t.  I just need some time to process it all, grieve the fact that I may never be pain free again and then take a plan of action. And in my usual dramatic fashion, I do see myself as the human equivalent of the Lotus flower.  Right now, in this moment of time, I am surrounded with the ugly, but I plan to rise above it.  Unlike the Lotus flower, I do not plan to emerge back into the muddy water as night falls, I plan to raise my head to the sun, the moon and the stars and keep it there.

In the meantime, I plan to wear my pendant as much as possible as I feel this odd connection to it.  I suppose in a sense it has become my talisman.  And I think that every one needs to carry around a piece of hope with them, mine just happens to be a turquoise flower.

Until Next Time
Smooches Pooches

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