If you know me by now, you will have figured out that I absolutely adore my better half. He is every girl’s version of a Prince Charming. Kind, thoughtful and funny, he always puts my needs first and makes me top priority in his life. He spoils me and loves me and protects me like no other man I have met and I would be the first to tell you how fortunate and blessed I am. But like every Prince Charming, he does have his few flaws and one which almost drives me to the brink of madness.
Bar none, his sleeping habits are some of the worst I have ever encountered. We, like every normal couple, go to bed happy, but around the early morning of every night, Sleeping Beauty almost drives me to hysteria. And in mere seconds, his sleeping habits will transform me from being the sweet girl he knows to becoming the Beast of the Kingdom!
Restless by nature, his tossing, turning and snoring could send any potentially normal person over the edge, but combine all of that with talking and walking in his sleep and this poor girl is close to being committed to an insane asylum! You may not think that this is bad, but trust me, at least several time a week, he taps me on my shoulder while sitting on the edge of the bed to have full out conversations with me. Eventually, he lays back down and goes back into a deep snoring pattern. Of course, when morning comes, he has absolutely no idea what I am talking about and thinks that I am telling him this to drive him nuts.
And then there is another problem, our four legged pooch and the little love of my life, often claims his fair share of the bed too. On those nights, I usually sleep with my back to both of them and I am assaulted with an onslaught of butt rumblings that would make a helicopter sound quiet. I am literally dying for the need of fresh air and I whip out of bed and angrily fan those sheets all the while trying not to pass out from the sheer stench. And if you think that it can’t get any worse, I am here to tell you it can. Eventually, they will both start trumpeting their own musical tunes from their noses and I will spend the next several hours moaning and groaning from the assault to my poor ears!
I seriously believe that I have only slept 24 hours in 7 years. Those days of when I use to crawl into my lovely bed and cocoon deep into my duvet and fall into a restful slumber have sadly passed. I have come to compassionately understand why in the 50's it was common practice for couples to have their own beds or different rooms. I once suggested to my better half that we should have separate bedrooms and a third bedroom for conjugal visits. He was beyond shocked and horrified and well let’s just say that particular suggestion was never brought up again.
There are nights when I look down at his handsome rugged face, and watch his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks and all I can think of is “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP”! It literally takes all my control not to take my pillow and beat him senseless, and if that is not bad enough, I often fantasize about cramming my fingers up his nostrils!
However, come the morning light, my evil bed nemesis once again becomes my Prince Charming and I suppose that my sleep deprivation is a small price to pay when you live with someone so wonderful. The fact that I am now an unwillingly participant in the game of insomnia, has just become a part of life. Besides, I heard that sleep is over-rated!
Until Next Time.