Saturday, January 1, 2011

NEW YEAR! NEW MEMORIES! AND A BOX OF DEPENDS PLEASE!

A childhood friend of mine, Sina, shared an old wives tale from her Grandmother's Norwegian background the other day on facebook. Basically, she said that if you wanted a repeat of the year you just had, you should keep up your Christmas Tree until January 1 so that you bring your past year into your new year.  If you want to leave your year behind, make sure that you take down that tree before January 1.  So me in all my head and chest cold glory, worked feverishly to get that bloody tree and all the decorations down before midnight last night!  No way Jose was I going to experience a repeat performance of 2010.  This girl was done with that year!  Out with the old and in with the new is what the doctor ordered.

Unfortunately, with all my running around like a maniac on chocolate covered coffee beans, I strained my already flam-filled chest to the brim.

Hacking and whacking up fur balls and wheezing and sneezing this morning, I broke down into an obnoxious coughing fit that saw me seeing stars!

And just as I was making my way over to the bathroom the unthinkable happened.  I started to sputter and splatter and coughed so hard that perhaps just slightly my bodily functions did not hold so well.  Okay, damn it!  I peed my pants!  YUP, I PEED MY FREAKING PANTS!  

In a desperate attempt to save face and make sure that nothing more came out, I squeezed my pudgy knees together and knobby kneed my way over to the bathroom with one hand covering my mouth and one hand covering my whooo haaaa!   There was no saving face as I could hear my better half break out in raucous laughter!  

I suppose that it just wouldn't be me if I didn't enter into a New Year with a big bang!  But I have to admit, if this is what the beginning of 2011 is going to bring, all I can say is wake me up when 2012 hits.

Oh and by the way, could you please pass me a box of Depends?

Until Next Time.
Smooches Pooches.

22 comments:

  1. Aw crap! I just took my tree down today. Bud told me last night that you never toast for the past year being gone, because it's bad luck for the next year. We re-did the toast so I hope I didn't condemn myself already.

    And what's a little pee when you have a coughing fit? Happens to the best of us!

    Love the new look!

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  2. Aww so much for the old wife's tale! Was pretty funny though... lol

    Hazel xxx

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  3. Not to worry! You can still change the energy by celebrating Chinese New Year! The year of the rabbit begins on Feb 3rd, so you have a month to plan another set of New Year celebrations, chinese style, have fun, and make SURE that whatever bad things happened in 2010 are left way behind you! :)
    I do it every year. Somehow December is always too hectic and celebrating CNY gives me the time to prepare and clean and focus on the energy shift and on the changes I want to happen.
    Love you blog's new design!

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  4. girlie, i'm feeling your pain. was just discussing w/ the hubby this morning how one day we'll have to buy depends in bulk to keep both of us protected & fairly sanitary.
    i used to wonder why my mom always crossed her legs & clenched when she coughed or sneezed. now i know.

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  5. btw, i love your new lavendar background.

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  6. OK...I feel better now...I cough hard I pee...I am just like everyone else :-) However do they make depends in flannel? :-)

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  7. I hear that Poise pads are way more comfortable than Depends and just as reliable. Sounds like 2011 is going to be interesting. I am getting this information from my mother and NOT from personal experience. I have LOTS of problems. Fortunately, that is not yet one of them. Yet being the operative word.

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  8. I recommend Poise pads.....(I confess I started using them a couple of years ago. At 66, I find that even though I don't need them often, it gives me a great sense of security!)

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  9. Hmmmmm...I seem to have that problem when I sneeze sometimes, lol. Very funny.

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  10. Oh gads....dear lady....I can't get my tree down till January 8th....does that mean I will have 8 repeats of 2010...I think I will Just drown myself now!!!(O:(O:(O:
    Hugs,

    Jo

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  11. Thanks for stopping by! I hope you can stay dry for the rest of 2011! lol.

    adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com

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  12. OO! I love that tradition. I'm so glad I took my tree down before Jan 1st! I DO NOT want to have to go through the hell I went through in 2010!

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  13. Hahaha, this is great. I'm sorry you didn't get the job done, just remember: Old Wive's tales only work if you believe in them.

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  14. Lucky I had a pretty good year - I only read this now - and the tree is still firmly and wonkily set in the loungeroom window.

    So did you actually get the tree down on time? Otherwise you might be wetting yourself next NYE - hopefully it's not after 15 beers in front of all your friends. A bit like me at my work leaving do when 8.5 months pregnant (minus the 15 beers of course)

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  15. It's times like sneezing, coughing and laughing that make me wish I had done those Pelvic Floor exercises more religiously after having those kids of mine. Can't even think of Zumba class without a discreet Poise in the knickers lol. Why too much jumping around and laughing.

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  16. Hello. I'll be happy if you visit my cottage

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  17. I'm sorry but... I didn't read anything except chocolate covered coffee beans. Hmmmmm where can I get some! YUM! :)

    Happy New Year!

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  18. Oh, just wait. I've discovered that it's wise to cross my legs before:
    coughing
    laughing
    yelling
    sneezing
    vomiting
    talking in a silly super high voice to one of
    the cats
    Happy New Year!

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  19. I'm so glad you came past my blog as I look your humourous and happy blog that I'm going to follow and hopefully be back often :)

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  20. I didn't know that about the tree. Ours is still up. I may be in trouble.

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  21. My cherry juice fun, your pee pants, I think it's safe to say Fate is gearing up for a fun-filled 2011. Looks like we better have our sense of humor fine-tuned and ready to go.

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